Talking Eggs

I’ve always been over-awed by those folks who could draw faces in such excruciating detail that the output looked photographic. One of my dear friends had that ability and could never understand my overly appreciative opinion of her work. I’d rave about one of her renderings and she’d dismiss both me and her portrait by saying “yeah, it’s all right.”

This dismissal would sort of piss me off because I couldn’t come anywhere near her skill level. Yet, when I tried to draw she would tell me that my primitive work was “good.’ and she meant it which sort of soothed me.

She realized that I was operating without aptitude while she was in such a comfort zone with her gifts that it was all too easy and not worth the praise she often got from people like me.

She would say things like...” I might as well just take a photograph.”

She became a world class photographer.

She told me that the essential choice in drawing portraits was determining what kind of face she was trying to capture and then going from there. She said there were four types of human faces, horseface, pigface, ratface and egg face. Horseface was long, pigface was round, ratface was protruding and egg face was oval.

Pick the facial type and fill in the details.

At first, I thought her insight was demeaning and contemptuous.

After awhile, I could see what she was talking about.

She was a ratface. I was a pigface.

One day she zigged and I zagged, We grew apart. 

I forgot about her physiognomatic characterizations until recently while watching/listening to a bunch of talking heads on teevee taking various sides in their perception of ratface Trump. Suddenly, while watching Karl Rove, I realized that he was an eggface..... big time. 

One of the characteristics of an eggface is small ears. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t have anything against eggfaces, after all they make up close to one third of the Caucasian population.

Shakespeare was a eggface

It would be ridiculous for a pigface like me to make fun of an eggface.

But when an eggface becomes a talking head as they often do, it becomes impossible to ignore their ovoid appearance. They are no longer talking heads, they become talking eggs.

Every once in awhile,I’ll become so fascinated with the sounds coming out of the egg that I lose track of what they’re saying and become fascinated at the way that they are saying it.

Many female eggfaces compensate by growing their hair long or having bangs. Male eggfaces disguise with a variety of facila hair.

I wonder how many of those women are actively trying to hide their egginess and if they are why do they bother? There’s nothing wrong with an eggface.

I’m sure that there are ratfaces who wish they were eggfaces, probably some ratfaces who are pissed off they didn’t get the prime talking head position because they weren’t egg face enough.

Who knows?

All I know is that lately, I’m seeing an awful lot of talking eggs on teevee. I use Karl Rove as an example but I’ll leave the rest of them up to you. Trying not to see an eggface on teevee when you see one is like trying not to imagine a green polar bear once the seed of the polar bear has been planted in your mind. Right now, for example, try not to picture a green polar bear.

Good luck.

So perhaps over the next few days, you might see a few talking eggs on teevee.

Hell, you might even see one when you look in the mirror. If you do, celebrate yourself. You’re beautiful. You’re smart. People will listen to you even become fascinated with you.

Hooray for all of us.

We’re not exact portraits or photographs.

We’re flesh and blood.

Even a pigface like me.