By ice rivers
Kenneth "Kenny" Nutter was accused thrice by his wife Monica of guzzling.
The first instance occurred when Ken and Monica visited their friends Paul and Paula Huggins. The Nutters were taking their daily exercise walk and decided to drop off some home made bread as a gift to their friends.
Paul and Paula were sitting in their backyard when the Nutters arrived. Kenny and Monica were only going to stay a "minute" drop off the bread and head back home. The Huggins had just finished powerwashing the wooden fence in their tiny yard and were taking a "break" when Ken and Monica entered the scene.
Paula offfered refreshment. "would you like a beer...or a glass of wine"? Kenny knew that Paul was a diet Pepsi man so he said "A diet Pepsi would be good." Monica hesitated then Paula offered some ice tea and Monica agreed.
The conversation was pleasant, unremarkable but cordial.
Upon finishing their drinks, Kenneth and Monica departed.
On the way home, Monica picked up speed and started walking ahead of Kenny. This change in speed was usually a sign that Monica was pissed off. As usual, Kenny had no clue as to why.
He picked up his pace and when he got alongside Monica, Monica said "Well you certainly guzzled that Pepsi and you've already guzzled a Coke before we went to visit."
Kenny denied the double guzzle accusation.
The denail didn't help the walk which continued in silence until the couple had reached their home.
Monica immediately walked into the house.
Kenny decided to sit on the porch until things cooled off.
When he walked into the house the environment had cooled all the way to cold.
Monica ran a tight ship.
Kenny tiptoed around for the rest of the afternoon.
Things had warmed up some by the time 6O Minutes aired.
The trigger was the word guzzle. Kenny hated the word and Monica used it often, partiuclarly when it came to beer. Kenny like his beer cold and it didn't improve sitting around so he was a quick drinker which always caused Monica to raise and eyebrow and use the trigger word "guzzle."
Monica also hated Diet Coke which Kenny loved. She considerd DC to be poison and counted evdry DC that Kenny consumed.
Monica counted everything.
By 10 o'clock, Kenny was just about asleep on the couch when Monica got up, turned off the teevee and went into the bedroom. Kenny knew that Monica wanted to watch Kate Winslett at 10, so he peeled himself off the couch and joined Monica in the bedroom.
They watched the show in silence.
After the show, Monica told Kenny to check on the back door...to make sure it was locked.
Kenny got up to do so.
After checking the door, Kenny decided to have some milk and a couple of cookies before returning to bed. He opened the refrigerator and hesitated for a moment. Should he have some cookies or not. He sure as hell didn't need them after consuming a delicious dinner which Monica had prepared. No matter how tumultuous the day, Monica always made a sumptuous dinner.
Kenny decided to have the cookies. He also decided to have the milk. He grabbed the milk container out of the fridge. The door of the fridge was till ajar when Kenny gulped down a swig of milk. While gulping, the refrigerator made a sound indicating that the door had been open too long. Monica in the other room behind a closed door heard the refrigerator sound and yelled from the bedroom..."what are you doing?"
Kenny got that question at least ten times every day. It always meant trouble.
Kenny said, "I'm having some milk and cookies."
Monica said "We're almost out of milk and we need some for breakfast."
Kenny said "I'll get some tomorrow." and returned to the bedroom.
The next day, Kenny got up early, went to the grocery store and bought some milk. When he came home he decided to have some cereal. He planned on using the left over milk. That milk however was gone.
Then he heard a voice from the bedroom...a voice he had learned to fear.
"Oh Jesus" thought Kenneth "what now"
"Did you drink out of the milk container last night. I didn't see a used glass in the sink. You guzzled that milk didn't you."
Monica emerged from the shower, wrapped in a towel and mad as a wet hen.
"How many goddamned times do I have to tell you don't drink out of the container. I went to have some cereal this morning and the milk tasted horrible. It was full of YOUR bacteria."
Monica went on for the next five minutes, detailing many of the intolerable "addictions" that Kenny manifested.
" You're not ten years old anymore .Drinking out of the milk container is digusting. Matter of fact, you're disgusting. Yeah, disgusting that's the word for you and everything you do."
Kenny was busted.
He just stood there, mouth agape.
"Plus, you're filthy..Go in and take a goddamned shower."
Kenny took his shower and thought about the conspiracy between the refrigerator and Monica.
He had guzzled but only once Goddamn it.