Krell's Big Crunch (the birth of Jingle)
By ice rivers
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One afternoon, while posing as a nuclear physicist at Ass Clown Brewery, Thornton Krell accused the Big Bang of being over-rated and maybe not even a big bang at all. Krell based his lecture on the asssumed reality that the universe is expanding. This is not real big news as the expansion of the universe is a recurring cycle and has been expanding since before there was time or news.
Once the universe reaches its new maximum expansion, an expansion bigger than it has ever contained before, it begins to recede until ultimately( and often suddenly) it reduces itself to the size of the last big bang except a little bit bigger which means the big bang is definitely not the biggest bang and since this process has been recurring it may not even be a big bang in comparison to the next one or the one after that which will happen once again as soon as the current reduction reaction reaches its limit and bangs once again for perhaps the millionth time and we begin the process once again which in universal time is about ten minutes.
Zach Jingle, who was present for the entire "presentation", which took approximately ten minutes to complete, bought Krell a beer in the name of "existence, no matter how fleeting". Zach was a billionaire posing as a derelict to "get a whiff" of life within a metaphoric hobo kingdom based on the gift of poverty and pointlessness while continuing his masquerade of false generosity.
Zach's generosity initiated another recurring cycle of round buying and toasting "while we're still here." by other less endoed brew crew members which is the reason that Krell had posed as a nuclear physicist in the first place as he was thirsty and still hadn't found his wallet. Krell called his theory The Big Crunch because that was what he was in with a lost wallet, no money and two drafts consumed when he started his story.
Meanwhile Ice Rivers , an expanding universe away,nodded his head at the creation of yet another character, Zach Jingle, as Fill Fuller went to print having expanded about as far as it could go without devouring itself and becoming a black hole forever endeavor.
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Comments
Far-fetched even for cosmology
Far-fetched even for cosmology but who knows? Interesting story a bit bizarre (as it should be). I was called an ignorant heretic for suggesting that the Universe might be infinite in space as well as in mass. You can imagine how glad I was to recently read that Isaac Newton himself had proposed this theory and with the same argument.
Some time ago I was asked to translate a study guide into Afrikaans we found some very novel descriptive terminology “Oerknal = ancient/primeval explosion” for the Big Bang is now in common use and “Eindkners = the final/end grind/crunch” for the Big Crunch, I'm quite proud of this one.
Full marks for imagination! All the best! Tom Brown
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