Dinosaurs Tripping on the Supernatural
By ice rivers
I have no trouble taking the small evolutionary crawl backward from the dormant state of alligator behavior to the general intelligence or lack of same possessed by dinosaurs. If alligators space out a lot, imagine how much time dinosaurs spent spacing out. And they were around for three million years before us which means that perhaps they were created in the image and likeness of God.
Three million years is a lot of filler.
Of course as Disney taught us, they came to an end at the LaBrea tar pits which even today is chock full of dinosaur bones. The dinosaurs were walking around, spacing out when they blundered into a gargantuan tar pit where they stood and spaced out for a while longer until they were stuck in tar but good. Even being stuck in the tar didn't bother the dinosaurs because hey, aren't we all stuck in the mud when we're spacing out. Every once in a while a spaced out stegosaurus would be rudely awakened by a T Rex that had also stumbled into the tar. Nothing more awakening than being stuck in a tar pit next to a gigantic carnivore who is trying to devour you. Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, the dinosaurs only other awakening from spacing out was hunger. Hunger ruined a lot of dinosaur mud pit space outs on their way to fossilhood in Los Angeles.
I never contemplated how stupid dinosaurs were until a couple of nights ago while watching "walking with Dinosaurs and the experts made a point of how spectacularly intelligent raptors were in comparison to other dinosaurs. I've heard this line of speculation before so the mere fact that it is repeated so often must mean that it's true. I started thinking that raptors were like dolphin style smart. In my book, dolphins are a hell of a lot smarter than gators. Flipper would have been an entirely different show if Flipper were an alligator.
Later in "Walking with Dinosaurs" in one of those important blurbs that geniuses throw on the screen immediately before a commercial, I learned that the "super intelligence" of raptors could be compared to the intelligence of ostriches today.
Whoa, Raptors were about as smart as ostriches which means that ostriches are one hell of a lot smarter than dinosaurs and raptors are a lot dumber than dolphins
I admit, a certain wisdom exists in spending a lot of time with your head buried in the ground but aside from that, ostriches don't strike me as particularly intellectual. If ostriches are the Advanced Placement/gifted/honors students in the dinosaur class, can you imagine what kind of paper wads the dinosaurs are throwing.
I don't know if you've ever been to an ostrich farm? I have.
On the ostrich farm, the ostrich farmers were going on about the nutrition and comparatively low cost of ostrich meat. While this was going on, the farmer's kids were in the background cooking ostrich burgers. Simultaneously an ostrich wandered over near me and I looked it right in the eye. As I'm looking eyeball to eyeball with a future ostrich burger, I'm not picking up a lot of vibes from the ostrich one way or another. Certainly nowhere near the vibes that a stegosaurus stuck in a mud pit would be projecting towards a T Rex as they met eyeball to eyeball moments before the feast.
At this point, the ostrich farmer came up to me and said "I notice you're looking at that birds eye. Guess what/ Their eye is almost exactly the size of their brain.
I took that information with a certain amount of freakout. Next thing I knew, the farmer was handing me an ostrich burger and practically shoving the burger down my throat. To get the farmer away from me, I took a bite. How can I describe the taste, the experience of eating an ostrich burger while looking an ostrich in its gigantic, tiny brain sized eye,
I'd say stupid and stupid.
So when I learned about the cranial comparison of ostriches to raptors, well it was small crawl towards creating these words that stay. Simple rilly but nowhere near as simple as a brontosaurus in a tar pit.
We're not extinct yet so I think I'm smart.
How else can I explain this rather rude attempt to disrespect the intelligence of Dinosaurs just because several of them overdosed on filler while standing and starving in the LaBrea tarpits?
Yeah, dinosaurs are extinct and we're not so hardee har har.
Extinction is a fact of life on Earth; the rule rather than the exception and therefore no reason to construct further arrogance driven oversimplifications. The history of life on this planet is the ironic parade of one extinction after another. I hate to think that five billion years from now some twelve fingered, four thumbed alligator Mozart will discover this very writing and think I'm stupid only because we humans are not around anymore to defend our suicidal, supernatural obliviation.
I assume the four thumbed alligator will be smaller than me based on another ridiculous evolutionary over simplification that I have clung to for years, namely that intelligence is determined by brain to body ratio with dinosaurs as poster clods and the diplodicus the poster child of poster clods. Since dinosaurs were so gargantuan with such miniature brains no wonder they were doofus enough to go extinct, most of them not even smart/savage enough to learn to carnivore.
Basically, this means that the more we grow, the stupider we get.
What are we saying then when we tell a kid to"grow up"? Are we saying that when you get bigger, you'll be stupider so you can solve your problems in a more dunder headed, more specifically representative way.
Remind me not to advance this theory on the ghost of Andre the Giant or Wilt Chamberlain.
If this theory were true, I'd be dumber now that I'm older and fatter than I was when I was younger and thinner. Over the years my brain has stayed the same size but my body has grown dramatically. Multiply that problem by a hundred and you have the quandary of the dinosaur.
If this theory were true, we'd start electing big brained infants to positions of political power and struggle to interpret their babble as economic or military strategy.
If this were true, everybody would be going nuts trying to lose body size which means there would be an international fetish for thinness as well as an ongoing craze with dieting and youthful appearance. Women in particular would be Botoxing like raptors trying to unwrinkle and prolong our species. Thank God or whatever that NONE of that is happening.
Of course, according to resarchers including Seton and Masters, there is another theory. The theory is that vegeterian dinosaurs including the mighty brontasarus lived on vegetation the chemical elements of which are very similar to LSD. Is it possible that this whole "existence" we are living currently is nothing more than an hallucination of a brontasaurus bad tripping while spacing out and stuck in a tar pit. They also imagined themselves turning into birds and some kind of comet hitting the planet causng wide spread extinction of their species which caused the de-evolution into mammals who believe whole heartedly in the concept of death and time and beginning and endings and Los Angeles.