Drunk, Naked and Enraged
By ice rivers
- 572 reads
Drunk, naked and enraged...Haylen pointed her gun at Stingray and said
"get down on your hands and knees you son of a bitch......."
Henri LaPlumer, famed film critic and all around bon vivant, once passed on some insight to fellow critic Roger Ebert.
"Monsieur Roger, learn from the films of Jerry Lewis. Notice the hyper activity of the first reel. If nothing happens in the first reel, nothing will happen in the film. Leave the theatre. If you follow this procedure you will save yourself a lot of time."
Ebert in reply brought up several films by Antonioni including La Venture in which very little happens not only in the first reel but consistently throughout the film, yet is considered a masterpiece by many.
LaPlumer, who is the cousin of erstwhile big game hunter and legendarily confused explorer Jacques LaPlumer, had a simple repsonse.
"Oui, Roger but it was a bomb at the box office."
After pondering this exchange, I came to several conclusions:
A) Monsieur Henri was full of shit as are many people who are convinced of their own otherworldly wisdom. Henri was sure that all of the movies he walked out on were atrocities and their subsequent returns at the box office proved him right. The problem of course is, how would he know how good the movie was when he walked out on it and never saw the whole thing.
B) If other critics are doing this then the movie is liable to be avoided by folks who read the critical reviews and thus the film becomes a bomb partly because LaPlumer and his ilk had other more important things to do than their job.
C) No wonder Jerry Lewis was considered a genius in France.
D) Check out the opening reels in Jaws and Jurassic Park. Compare Speilberg's Jurassic Park to Emmerich's Godzilla.
E) Read the samples of any book on Amazon for free and never read nor purchase the book beyond the sample.
F) Load up the first reel or in this case, the first sentence regardless of what it has to do with the rest of the story.
And they all lived happily after.
- Log in to post comments
Comments
*****
I have (zero) voting rights here, which is fine by me, I dont seek any-more responsibility in my life...
But, what I can do is send some Cherry Schnapps from the family Co-Op farm...... (dont ask I have a love/hate relationship w/that place, but the products are good, won some awards n' EU).....
The risk is; you might be drunk & naked waving at the neighbors...
But, at least you would have a bucket of Cherry's, distilled.....
And... you got my vote*
- Log in to post comments
G) If you read this far, the story must be great
Not necessarily. However, the editors read every word of what is posted. It is difficult to root out work which is in contravention of the rules and conditions of the site, if they don't. As you can imagine, sometimes this is less than fun.
H) No.
- Log in to post comments
Ice, the contraventions are
Ice, the contraventions are all in the terms and conditions if you want to read them. They're pretty much as you'd expect them to be
- Log in to post comments