Shaking My Claim
By ice rivers
Claiming that I'm good at being married is like a recovering alcoholic saying that he/she is good at not drinking. I was good yesterday and have been good enough to last 33 years but today is a brand new ball game. I'm a recovering bachelor and divorcee so it's gotta be one day at a time folks lways trying to keep in mind the most recent stings and lessons.
(Two Oreos a day buddy boy not four or five)
Here's a couple of things that I've learned about marriage. Marriage is a state of antagonistic co-operation. Paradox? Of course, close to oxymoron. We push one another to improve and we tend to use resilience to recover from disappointments. If you can't cooperate or you antagonize too much, it all falls out of balance. If you decide not to marry, you break up once you tire of playing house. If you deide to marry, you've given your word. Your word is worth something and the law holds you responsible for keeping it.
So we learn to cooperate
(yeah, I'll get off the computer in 10 minutes)
Co-operation isn't enough. We all need pushes.
We're all as much as antagonists as we are protagonists in the conjungle chaos known as marriage
Keep this scenario in mind; the train and the station. For some folks, marriage itself is the goal. Somehow, we found somebody who can put up with us and swears that they'll continue to do so. Our partner will witness our life and legally can not be called to testify against us. We made it to the train station and we've got a ticket if we want to use it. The ticket is change.
Cooperation/inertia stays in the station. The station is a good and safe place. The station isn't going anywhere and we can watch the trains go by. Sometimes we see our friends getting onboard a departing train. We wonder where they're going and speculate on what they'll do with what for whom when they get wherever they're going. We're staying right where we are.
The problem is the station isn't enough. One of the partners usually wants to get on a train. Usually, according to another bromide, it's the wife. The wife wants the husband to change and he doesn't, the husband wants the wife to stay the same and she doesn't.The husband is good at the station. He can grab a pizza or a beer and the place is loaded with his buddies. What's the problem.
The wife is looking to grab a train. Sometimes that desire is transmitted with these words "I'm pregnant". The husband thinks that's great because it just means another witness at the station. It takes awhile for the husband to realize that his stationary life is now over. He's got to get on that train, whether he wants to or not.
Usually, the husband gets onboard. Getting on that particular train is one of the distinguishing differences between being married and playing house. He still has a witness but his girlfriend/drinking buddy is gone. This is the first of many trains along the way with occasional brief and temporary stops at different stations.
They will push each other to take another train at another time and this goes on forever even when they reach a stage in life where they've finally located a station that works for both, usually after the kid(s) have boarded trains of their own. The antagonisms become bickerings. They are the source of all sit coms. We pretend the invisible audience sees our side of things and is laughing at how serious we are. They've got problems of their own.
Bottom line don't be surprised when your mate infuriates you. That's half the equation. Expect to hear this word a lot..."no'....She's the only person who knows you (nobody else will ever 'no' you as much as she) and you're the only person who knows her. Fight back when the erroneous definitions of each collide and/or when the truth hurts but stick together. Clarify. Project. Fight every day. Forgive every day. Leave whatever station when the right train approaches but avoid the next train if the only reason you're getting on is because it showed up next. All of this is barely comprehendible, I realize. Mixed metaphors. Mixed messages. Magic. Enduring love. Enduring labor. Never what anybody ever thought it was or would be.
But if you're still here, you're pretty good at reading this.
Don't even try to understand it
It's kinda like marriage.
Can I get a witness?
(Allright, I'm getting off the computer)