Tell us about real life. Whats new in the world?

You're right! Thank you for the corrections. Unlike others, I shall learn from my mistakes. I shall (I hope!) never mis-spell "Marten's" again, nor hit the bracket key by mistake. Why can't people learn the rules for the use of the apostrophe? Oh dear - this is where I came in!

I stand severely corrrected. Profuse alologies.

'

Pride comes before a fall. The header of this thread should have been: "Tell us about real life. Whats true in the world?" Sheepish grin and consumption of humble pie. ;-)

Eric. Lie back, and tell me whats at the root of your obsession sweety. I have programmes for you that can help.

I agree. lets get to the bottom of this. ;-)

i tell you it is bongo related ....

surely its not bongo related again??

I had a sound education. OK. I propose that the apostrophe be dropped once and for all. Lets be done with it. If one has to kill something then do it cleanly and quickly, not this lengthy torture. (Ive never understood why people dont look up something they are not sure of. Lazy sods!) Ive done my bit by posting Apostrophe Apoplexy. Most of the rules are in there. I give up now.

Bongos are often at the root of psychological trouble. Starts with Bongs, and just leads to harder and harder stuff.

I think its actually the fact that online conversation generally drops punctuation. But Eric, I do agree, that if its on the front page, a need for speed isnt actually appropriate. And I feel your grief in this :o) My biggest bugbear is spelling though...

... but what comes after bongos?

Bang go my bongos Im bonkers, Im bonkers Fork-tailed drongos This rhyme schemes a stonker Wailing and gnashing of teeth Incoherent mumbling Blood on the wall from my forehead Apostrophe Catastrophe Aposhtrrrr.... Catshhhh.... Refuge in alcohol and drugs A ruined life All because he was educated, poor boy They say he knew how to use the apostrophe ...And sometimes other punctuation Sad sad sad

Taking advice from the Collins English Dictionary it is Bon-Heur.

The whole spectrum of Class A percussion. It's dreadful. First Bongos, then before you know it, cymbals, maracas and at the end of the day they're all off down the clinic for synthetic KettleDrums. After that, theres no hope.

ms. hemmett ... i think i have a bongo related problem ... can i talk to you about it???

bonheur, le almost = joie, la AND de bonne heure almost = en avance BUT where did all this come from? (@!#$, couldnt stop the question mark sorry)

.. i also think's its something to do with squid's

... also elephant's probably ...

i was a little confused by that eric what is a question mark and why do people respond to most of my posts with them

Certainly you can. Let me just remove the castanets from my couch, and l'll be with you

??????

(?????? above in response to dave ... not at all suprised or questioning about your couch)

He was almost happy, once In the blue dawning of his consciousness When teachers dispensed rules with cool assurance Commas and semi-colons punctuated his orderly existence Apostrophes spiced it Fullstops kept it tidy That was in his youth, in that illusory better-world Viewed through spectacles of retrospective optimism Now he stares at the screen Pupils myotic as the despotic Apostrophes of careless others Punch holes in his composure

.... though i think eric has a more pressing need for you ministrations ms. hemmett ... my long standing bongo problem can wait ...

myotic?

with your qualifications l wouldnt think you had to rely on erics education and if its your otic why ask here

To clarify, for those joining this thread: Apopstrophes => madness => Eric's bongos (sorry, were dropping all apostrophes: Erics) iFB: What comes after bongos? Dave: Bon-Heur Eric: bonheur, le ALMOST = joie, la Hence: Almost happy poem relting to the first theme Thats how my mind works Sorry :-(

Sorry, now even my As are going

... aaaaaah ... the apopstrophe ...

The opposite of mydriatic Pupils dilate when something pleasant is perceived (mydriasis), and narrow when something unpleasant is seen (myosis). dilate UK dilatate (I think! Or is it dilitate?) US

Wonder what Eric will drop next? *hopeful*

Well spotted! Thousands of points to you!

*hoping eric will avoid Trollops Couch*

I shall return much later to read this fast-growing thread. Spinners of yarns indeed!

I'm going into town later. I might drop by for a coffee and to collect any very belated Birthday presents you might have forgotten you'd bought. And please move those bloody bongos off the couch - I nearly knackered me maraccas last time I sat on them!

P'lease accept humblest apologies for the o'mission of Mr.Gibbon's' birth date in the 'Fun Pack for Yet Another Eddie Gibbon's' Fan Club' which we s'ent to you. The person who made the mistake has been taken outside and given a g'ood thrashing with a s'oggy TLS.

This thread had made me quite dizzy. I once had an English teacher who was simply obsessed with punctation, to the point of salivation. He once set us an exercise in which we had to insert the punctation into a passsage he had chalked on the board. 'No-one has EVER done this correctly,' he smirked. Now, I was a sad bookish child and I instantly recognised the passage from one of Dickens' novels. I went to the library and copied it apostrophe, comma, semi-colon and full stop perfect. I was awarded the first 'A' he had ever given and he remained perplexed by my apparent skill. Now, was I a clever girl with lots of cunning or a nasty little cheat? I have to say, I did value the silly sod's teaching. Those funny little dashes can sometimes be just like fleas; they make you itch in puzzlement.

This thread had made me quite dizzy. I once had an English teacher who was simply obsessed with punctuation, to the point of salivation. He once set us an exercise in which we had to insert the punctation into a passsage he had chalked on the board. 'No-one has EVER done this correctly,' he smirked. Now, I was a sad bookish child and I instantly recognised the passage from one of Dickens' novels. I went to the library and copied it apostrophe, comma, semi-colon and full stop perfect. I was awarded the first 'A' he had ever given and he remained perplexed by my apparent skill. Now, was I a clever girl with lots of cunning or a nasty little cheat? I have to say, I did value the silly sod's teaching. Those funny little dashes can sometimes be just like fleas; they make you itch in puzzlement.

Spot the deliberate spelling mistake. (Double posting too, I know).

I think we ought to award that Eric fella with the coveted ABC Apos Trophy. Well done, young man - its' your's.

Yes, now I've had my bath. Thank you for the trophy. Wolfgirl aka Julia, the mistake is: passsage It jumped out at me. Eddie - sorry I was out. I may acquire your birthday present in SA. I want it to be something special.

Ha, a longer passage than average could be a passsage, could it not? There is actually another spelling mistake. Ho hum.

For the pedants amongst us :- "This sentence contains exactly threee erors" Have fun...

Give me a break Andrew; I'm still grappling with your fiendishly difficult lateral thinking puzzle. I'm plum baffled.

"This sentence contains exactly three errors." This one doesn't, unless you count the speech marks, which are slightly suspect.

quite a lot of new stuff in the world, apparently. nothing a good pugil stick won't sort out tho.

...hast thy golden slumbers? Art thou rich, yet is thy mind perplexed? Oh punishment! Honest labour bears a lovely face.........

1. threee 2. erors 3. there are 2 errors, not 3 now tell us about the friggin plums!

It's a paradox! A pair o' dogs came sniffing round my pair o' Doc's (Martin's) I look smart in my Martin's but she looks like a tart in her tartans. (Actually I do not possess a pair of the aforementioned estimable footwear. Neither would I insult a damsel so, regardless of my opinion of her dress sense. I were properly brung up, so I were. This just goes to show how perverting verse is. Curses! I'm away to have my bath now.)