Michelin Manor

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Michelin Manor

I originally wrote this story when i was ten, and have only just started writing it for proper. I have had a mind to publish this for some time; advice and concrit about where i can improve is welcome!

http://www.abctales.com/set/jacobea/michelin-manor

Again-too cliched and terrible to advise improvement? Just wondering.
OK. You obviously have a lively imagination and are a plot driven writer. At the moment, though, MM reads like a history book or a plot synopsis. Most creative writing courses advise writers to 'show' not 'tell'; by this they mean that you need to use the characters' actions and dialogues to show the story, rather than list 'he did this then he did that'. Of course, (especially in a novel) you will inevitably have to 'tell' events to move the story along. 'Show' the key, most important and significant (plot turning?) events and tell the rest. You will find this difficult at first, try reading some of your favourite writers: see what they 'show' and what they 'tell'. Good luck.
But you know all this already... from what I have read of your other efforts. "Nobody knows anything" William Goldman on Hollywood
Thanks!
It's not your best writing. It feels 'clunky' and uneven and the characters really aren't very compelling. The story itself might be a good one but it needs a lot of work to make it 'live'.
It is meant to feel a bit archaic, but i may have overdone it. Thanks for pointing it out! Any revisions will hopefully be more lively.
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