Cheese and Wine Party for Newcomers ...

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Cheese and Wine Party for Newcomers ...

liana and i have been discussing the best ways to make new folks welcome ...

some of us have been kicking about for a long time ... and frankly we often get a bit sick of each other ... it's possible tho that the bantering and apparent "cliqueyness" might put some people off posting ...

well we WANT to KNOW about you ... so here is a thread for abc members Old and New to mix and get to know each other ... a Virtual Cheese and Wine party ...

so we have dusted down an old venue we used to have round here ... Ta Chucks ... Hilda is here with her whippet and some tepid lambrusco ...

so come on in ... grab a plastic cup of vino ... grasp a cocktail stick with some cheese and pineapple stuck on it ... and tell us something about yourselves ...

the old timers can probably dredge up some new interesting thing that people havent heard before ...

anyway ... *sidles in nervously* ... i am fish aka ivoryfishbone ... mostly a poet ... i like gin and cigarettes ... errr ... sorry i mean children and animals ... *swigs tepid lambrusco and waits for next person to come in*

donignacio
Anonymous's picture
But I'M still here! Why is it the party always ends right after I get out of the locked bathroom? Where's the hostess? You took the maraschino, egriff? My, my, I must be schizophrenic I swear it's still with me under my pillow. Oh wait, that's a bundle of lint. Nevermind.
soft lad
Anonymous's picture
*plays the new Banana Skids CD - S.h.u.t.T.h.e.F.u.c.k.U.p.* sings along.... s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! (please, oh, pretty please with sugar on) s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! s.h.u.t.t.h.e.f.u.c.k.u.p! (nothing personal) etc.
fish
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soft lad ... does your dad know you are out at this party?
Ralph Dartford
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Followed by 'Get Your Baps Out For The Lad' by Scallywag Dream One person obliges.
fish
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ralph ... put your baps away ...
egriff
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Hmm! I think this party's getting out of hand (creeps towards door, wonders if they are always lke this . People seemed so nice at first, and now...mabe its the alcohol)
Ralph Dartford
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I can't, I am frightented my zip on me cardi will catch on me nips. Now that would make us all flinch. Gis a kiss?
aridayle
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lah, sir, you do know how to turn a girl's head and no mistake! *giggles*
egriff
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(e-griff sits in corner, editing. edit edit, edit) "good, I've knocked 30% out of this story, just like the one for that bloke yesterday. another triumph!" (wonders: can you get cherries for editing? or would you just get the stalk? Hmmm)
egriff
Anonymous's picture
OOPs, forgot my manners. Thankyou very much for having me ladies (hic!) It was fun! and a good thought (never mind old Mr sour Pants) you should persist with. Perhaps a 'newbies forum' with old cynics banned, and just the 'Lords of the Instrumentality' and their cohorts to help and advise us shy hopefuls?
soft lad's dad
Anonymous's picture
ay der egriff, get yer coat off, la! sorry about our soft lad - it was my fault, I'd left the top off the gripe water. He didn't mean that song for you. It's just his favourite band so he thought he'd sing it for yer. He's not a bad skin, our soft lad. He's just stupid, like his ma.
wolfgirl
Anonymous's picture
Comes in late (as usual) and wonders what the hell is happening here...what a dissolute bunch...no sign of any bloody cheese either and there's red wine everywhere but in the bottles... I'm Wolfgirl and....who cares...I'll just welcome all the poor misguided new members..with a howl of course....welcome to Bedlam....grab yourself a bed and a suitably sized straitjacket and then stagger around and enjoy the fun.... Careful with that zip Ralph, you'll have someone's eye out....
egriff
Anonymous's picture
There's noodles on the floor The Whipsnade song was never sung Some rude Liverpudlian got out of hand and now I'm going out the door Just a newbie. who in going, must have came here in the first place. PS. My jigger's full of moggies.
justyn_thyme
Anonymous's picture
I'm Justyn Thyme, and not a moment too soon judging by the length of this thread. Welcome to the all the newbies. We were all newbies once. Some just have better memories than others. A question though about the lemmingade: does drinking it make you run wildly to the sea and jump off a cliff?
fish
Anonymous's picture
*stands in front of previous message due to it Excitement Factor* i'll have you know mr. taf ... that is my client you are speaking of ... any appointments with men in loincloths have to be thoroughly vetted by me (her agent) FIRST ...
Tony Cook
Anonymous's picture
Hi! Just arrived! Have I missed the fun? I'm Tony and I'm completely bald. Some blame me for all of this - but I wasn't here, was I now? Get off my bottle of vodka girls, there's plenty for everyone. How about a serious discussion on why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings? I consider the answer to part one to be 'because I am freezing cold' and the answer to part two to be 'yes'. Pass the culchie to the left hand side.
Ralph Dartford
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Bloody Student, who let him in.
Vicky
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Hello Guys, Just popped in for a flying visit (hang on...I'll just park the helecopter) what no valet's Fish? I'm dissapointed. I'm Vicky, nice to meet you all. I've been on the site for over a year but spend most of my time in the forums now. I'm insane but cute with it...obviously. So....where are you hiding that Vodka Mr Cook. You can't hog it all yourself. I always fly my copter better after a slug or two of vodka and orange. Nice party, but why are all those people hiding in corners?
egriff
Anonymous's picture
Hmmm. 'People packed pubs' eh? the things some people write! hey (looking up from screen) Ari! where's my song? I think i'd like to hear 'Punting down the Cam' (hip-hop junky beef-boy style) pass the cock's legs, someone (chug!)
fish
Anonymous's picture
cos ralph unzipped and showed his baps vicky ... nice of you to drop in ... i just frisked Captain Pip Pip and i found some Very Interesting things in his pockets ... wanna see?
Vicky
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You betcha.... What ya got Fish
egriff
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e-griff (poking head through window while standing on pile of dead poets outside) HELLO! I CAME BACK BECAUSE I LEFT MY COPY OF LORD OF THE RINGS HERE - ANYONE READ IT? IT'S VERY GOOD, You KNOW...... OW! (discarded vodka bottle strikes head) NO I REALLY WANTED TO KNOW IF THAT LIVERPUDLIAN HAD GONE (MUST HAVE BEEN FROM OLD SWAN) ARE THERE ANY REAL NEWBIES HER LIKE ME? CAN I COME BACK IN? (head disappears as e-griff falls off box, lies outside with other dead poets, murmuring 'and I never heard the Whipsnade Song')
rjhudson
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hello, peeps. another newbie here. you know, i've been reading your stuff and i gotta tell you: i'm amused.
Ralph Dartford
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You cal all turn around now. They are coverd. Thanks for the smock Fish.
Vicky
Anonymous's picture
damn. didn't get to see *pouts*
Ari
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didn't you hear, don? Griff gave it to me! (wahey, wahey, general wink-wink nudge-nudge behaviour)
Ralph Dartford
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You wer not missing much Vick. Now Fish's baps.... Ralph
Karl Wiggins
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Hi, my name's Karl. One of my ancestors was once hung for sheep shagging, which probably explains quite a lot. A century later and I'd have been brought up in Australia.
soft lad
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me da told me to apolergise to egriff and wants me to ask if we can hear the Wipsnade Song please? *chokes on conny onny butty*
Ari
Anonymous's picture
Don't think I know that one, griff. Here's one I borrowed from a well known TV show - see if you can guess it! (ooh, party games!) Log rolls down stairs, It fits on chairs, Runs over your neighbour's dog, It fits on your back, It's great for a snack, It's log, log, log! It's loooog, looog, It's big, it's heavy, it's wood, It's loooog, looog, It's better than bad, It's good! Aye-up rjhudson, you're just in time for the party games!
egriff
Anonymous's picture
APOLOGY ACCEPTED ! (e-griff's recovered, back shouting through window) HI (e-griff (for it is he) Enters door, strolls across to table. Gazes round at throngs of finely dressed Lords of the Instrumentality , spots just a few pale faces shyly peering through the crowd and hunched figures in corners. they recognise each other, alright . The NEWBIES!) (Saunters over to bloke holding a bap with a white, thick liquid dripping from it. You 'Divvy'? he asks. Man drops butty- mouth open in perfect 'O'. "How did yer know, like?" "Saw you once in the 'Jolly Miller'- I never forget a face!" "e-griff, What about the whipsnade song? " "That - oh its just some tune.............) ER HELLO! OH! Sorry, I spent too long at the window - what's going on?
Hulsey
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My previous thread was seriously understated when I said you are all a trifle eccentric. Dunk the ball Chiefy, dunk the ball!
egriff
Anonymous's picture
BEEP BEEP oh it's my phone - sorry 'Karl could have been brought up in Australia' So what? I brought up in Australia - doesn't everyone? No! more important news.... 'Karl no longer monopolising forums'. Hah! My chance. I may be a Newbie, but I'm a climber! So long, suckers, I'm off to monoplise forums!!!!!!
Ari-feeling-wei...
Anonymous's picture
Ok, just for you Griff (sorry, had to pop off to off-liscence) Whipsnade Zoo, Whipsnade Zoo, They put the animals in the cages and they try to eat their owners, Whipsnade Zoo, Whipsnade Zoo, The cages are made of cardboard, and the kids stick their fingers through the baaaars! Whipsnade Zoo, Whipsnade Zoo, That's what they do at Whipsnade Zoo! Whipsnade Zoo, Whipsnade Zoo, The snakes and lions all geet along fine, Whipsnade Zoo, Whipsnade Zoo, But the monkeys hate the elephants and try to steal their peanuts, Whipsnade Zoo, Whipsnade Zoo, That's what they do at Whipsnade Zoo! Any more requests? I also do a marvellous rendition of Sex Bomb whilst pole dancing with a mop, but that was an entirely different party, eh-heh-heh PS, love the noodle poem faithless! Worthy of a plate of the delicious squishy things, methinks!
Ari
Anonymous's picture
hey, i just noticed what this party is missing - blancmange! what were we thinking?
egriff
Anonymous's picture
I know that so well, it's one of my favourites - always good to hear. R&S. I'll wait for you to write the 'Punting' one welcome RJ I'm a NEWBIE too, (but ageing rapidly) I can't write, I just sweep up round here - pass me those discarded paragraphs - i'll put them with this heap of wrongly-used apostrophe's (oh, hell, one escaped, scuse) Hey! RJ! (another poem on the away?) admire your taste - should have been here yesterday. things are a bit flat! (no offence ladies OW!) It's so quiet, I'm sitting working on a new strip cartoon for my website. I'm thinking of calling it 'Buster O'Rielly and the Ring of Cormac' . Buster features in the one that's up there now, Vampire Donkeys of Dunquin (Dun-keen). Hey grab this Kentucky-fried cock's leg and a small flask of lemmingade - enjoy! and mingle!
soft lad's mam
Anonymous's picture
now then, egriff, don't go givin no drink to soft lad - he's only an apprentice scally. He's got his school exams coming up and we don't want him plastered like last time. He's got four years to get that GCSE in woodwork or he'll never grow up to be a window cleaner.
egriff
Anonymous's picture
Do they make lemming-shaped moulds for blancmange? I like junket as well.
egriff
Anonymous's picture
OH just got back from chasing you across the threads (found him in dead Right) ER could you do it again pse, I missed it!
Emily Dubberley
Anonymous's picture
Ari, South park, yes? Have large bowl of blancmange (even though I hate the stuff) Still a fair few tequila jellies left (although feeling somewhat wibbly from necking a few myself) Thanks Ralph ;-) Who's DJing?
Ari-feeling-wei...
Anonymous's picture
you should pay more attention griff! you never know what'll you miss ;-)
Ari-feeling-wei...
Anonymous's picture
But since I'm such a friendly gal, I may sing you another song, if you ask real nicely.
Ari
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Sorry Emily, it was Ren and Stimpy, as griff noticed. Shall overlook his comments about flatness since he is such a keen R+S fan. Rey! Blancmange! Tequila jelly! Now this is a party!
1legspider
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But Hulsey.. you have not met the only sane one here. 1legspider.. nice to meet you all.. been on ABC for 4 months now.. specialises in niche poetry about butterflies, bells and trees.. trying to develop a dark twisted streak to my personality so I can become a Real writer.. believes time does not exist and poo poos the past.. .. warns you that the characters on this thread may all be a figment of your sic imagination..
egriff
Anonymous's picture
OH I'M back from the bog! (all that lemmingade just makes you run and run) Yes please, another lovely, lovely song, if you please, please. then I've got to go and monopolise some more forums. and by the way, 1leg.., I was sick on figs once as well. OOPs, goto go (monopolise, monopolise, go!)
Paul Morgan (ge...
Anonymous's picture
Wolf wakes up under table in far corner of room. Removes its nose from under loincloth of smiling sleeper. Yawns stretches and goes to the bar to beg another jug of lemmingade (heavy on lemmings).
egriff
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Hey, have a flask of 'Old Archie' He was my favourite
egriff
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e-griff chats to ari and Divvy "Do you know, I was born in Cambridge, age 3 moved to Liverpool. My mum's family ran the baker's at the bottom of Victoria Road (now an art gallery or some such) . So, Huh? (back home, his spirit guide looks triumphant, sets whisky glass down carafully on the dog (guiding his spirit?) and smirks triumphantly Watch that little atavar go! let's set lots more running!' he thinks)
Ari-feeling-wei...
Anonymous's picture
d'you know griff, that's amazing, coz I live in Cambridge! An' I know Victoria road well. But anyway, you wanna hear the Canada song? It's about Canadians. Or I could pole dance. I don't mind.
Mark Ashley
Anonymous's picture
I guess I am late to this party. I am also Mark but not the one that was here earlier. I wont bother to say much about myself as I am too dull and boring to be of interest. Anyway, if I talk for too long everyone will think this has turned into a funeral. (Please pass the whisky)

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