The Gathering

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The Gathering

Since the demise of my outlaws, the negotiating of christmas get togethers has become more complex - the "we are going up north" excuse has become, sadly, redundant. Despite this, we have managed, this year, to secure the main holiday days to ourselves.

You can shout "Yippee" at this point or "You lucky C**t. However, the deed still has to be done and you are all welcome, heh.:

Where does it take place?

My Mother's house.

Who can be involved?

Immediate family only, sorry.

When will it happen?

27th December, 2005.

How much does it cost?

Minimum cost will be mild embarrassment. Average cost will be emotional instability. Maximum cost will be my marriage. All dependant on the following:

the number of people my Mother knows who have died this year; the illnesses of those who haven't; whether I remember someone I've never met and, oh... how his mother suffered; my knowledge of female medical problems; my willingness to laugh at inaccurate anecdotes from my childhood; my kid's boredom threshold; my wife's tolerance to total fuckwittery.

Why will it be of interest to your fellow ABCtales members.

Because they are all, like me, rubberneckers at an accident.

How can someone find out more,

You can find out more by watching this abuse of forum space.

get in touch with the people organising it,

No, you really do not want to go there.

get involved or pay for it?

Two ways:

1. You need to be married and have an Oaf and an Outfit.

That's about it really, my parents won't notice. Go along.

2. You can pay me to attend and thus enable me to write it up. Cheques accepted by fax, not fiction.

Oh yeah, Mark said we should post some links, here's mine:

and if it all goes wrong:

In my 60th year I'm spending my first Christmas alone. And I'm fucking extatic about it! No tension, no expectation, no tears, no having to think of what to buy Aunt Alice. I'd like to buy her a gun - wonder if she'd take the hint? I am going to a friend's place for Christmas dinner with him and his son, which will be very low-key and sober. But I would prefer not to do that (he smokes - which means I have to) but he'd be upset, so I do that co-dependant thing of agreeing to what someone else wants me to do. No wonder I've been drunk all these years. But I'll go for a long walk on Hampstead Heath and just be 'with' myself. Merry Christmas everyone - yes even you Miss Pippi.


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