My Little Demon
By flipper
- 265 reads
MY LITTLE DEMON
I went to a pet shop
To purchase a beast
Wanting something exotic
A Lizard at least
I walked up to the counter
And addressed the wee man
As I gave him the gist
Of my ambitious plan
"I've got just the thing for you"
"Ben my storeroom son"
And with that he reached down
And came up with a gun
He went through to the back shop
And emerged with a creature
A fierce-looking fucker
With irregular features
He said, "Whit do you think?"
I said, "Whit's that weird smell?"
He replied, "Aw that's the Brimstone"
"He's a Demon from Hell"
"A Demon ye say?"
"Christ man, that's pretty rare"
"The best I had hoped for"
"Was a grizzly bear"
So with a lead on the Demon
We departed the shop
Strolled down the road
To the nearest bus stop
A bus came along
Number one thirty-three
I looked at the Demon
And he glowered back at me
"Come oan then ya Demon"
"Oan board ye get"
(See, I still hadn't thought up
A name for my pet)
But he let out a scream
That was like a banshee
Dragged me twenty yards
And then clung to a tree
For more than an hour
He just would not budge
Till I lured him away
With a Cadbury's fudge
He soon scoffed the fudge bar
Wrapper and all
Then we walked to my flat
In the pissing rainfall
When we got to the flat
I was soaked to the skin
I opened the door
And I beckoned him in
I turned on the gas fire
And went for some towels
But I soon was disturbed
By the sound of his howls
By the time I got back
Through the living room door
He had pissed on my sofa
And shat on the floor
He thought that the curtains
Were something to eat
And his roars could be heard
At the end of the street
"She'll complain tae the council"
"That cunt doon the stair"
I thought as he started
To shag my armchair
I just couldn't keep him
He just wouldn't do
I finally abandoned him
Near Edinburgh Zoo
So me and the Demon
We drifted apart
And the last that I'd heard
He'd signed "S" forms for Hearts
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