Beyond

Cherry

By catherine poarch

Sun, 14 Jan 2018
  • 3699 reads
20 comments
 

There was fear in the yard and the wood-mouse hid,

under sticks and logs, as he always did.

Beyond was an alley of glittering cats,

a street full of feet, wearing mouse-catcher hats.

A city of gutters, with rats running deep.

Beyond that, the forest, where owls never sleep.

He opened one eye.  Then he lifted his head….

there was nothing except his great feeling of dread.

But light years away, as if it had known

he would need it one day when he felt so alone,

The Plough was still shining. It tilted the sky.

It furrowed the darkness as time passed it by.

It silently stretched from the reaches of space,

the treading of ancients, a working of grace.

He wondered and waited. He waited and thought.

A step to adventure, a breath towards caught.

Beyond all his fears, it burned steady and bright.

Half out of the wood pile, he breathed in the night.

 

 

Certificate U
Poetry Monthly
Inside Elephant
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Love it, Catherine.

Thinking of the metre (oh God! Listen to me!). If you can bear me, at first reading "six deep" jarred a little. I'm thinking of something like "never sleep" in terms of stress.

What do you think?

Ah, bugger. I've just read it again.

Parson Thru

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thank you, Parson Thru. Don't mind any feedback, thanks. I wasn't sure about the rats line, it wasn't so easy to say I think because of the rats run bit. Rats run is a bit hard to say. But maybe it's the six deep bit that makes it hard. I shall keep it in mind, anyway. smiley

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

It's good, anyway.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Di_Hard on

I am jealous at how this flows. I struggle to get the right amount of syllables, let alone making it so skip like this. It's wonderful. In the rat bit, would "race" go easier of the tongue?

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I thought this fun and skilful. You can't have the rats never sleeping, as that is what the owls do in the next line!  I was happy with the flow or bumps of that line, though the imagination boggled at rats six deep, but I guess that was the mouse's overactive imagination! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Loved this Catherine. That little mouse must have been exhausted after his adventure.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thanks to all of you for the lovely comments. Di Hard, I think we all write the way that suits us best. Sometimes though I want to hit myself over the head with a giant comedy hammer as there's too much rhyme and rhythm. I might change the rats line to 'a city of gutters with rats running deep.' But I'm at work and had better stop messing about! Cheers!

 

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

too much rhyme and rhythm??? There is a feeling of joy to be had JUST  from the rhyme and rhythm when it's as good as this. "A city of gutters with rats running deep." is perfect

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thank you, Di Hard. I appreciated people's help. I've changed it.

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

I like it even more. Hey! Did I miss the plough thing in my befuddlement? It's superb!

Parson Thru

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thanks to whoever put the cherries on, that was a nice surprise this morning.

And thanks to Parson Thru. I've missed the Plough most of my life and only noticed it recently! So now I'm walking around bumping into dustbins. Befuddlement is the best state to be in!

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Southern climes?

Parson Thru

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Just Bristol with street lighting!

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

What a lovely piece.  I love how you draw our attention to the the lives of animals.

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thank you very much, Philip Sidney. Much appreciated. I do write about animals but I also think that insde the animal is a person I'm also writing about so it's a bit of a double measure. I definitely can identify with this mouse! Thank you, have a lovely weekend.

 

Submitted by Alice Hamilton on

This is a joy to read. I really like the way the animals are portrayed. The wood-mouse is such a hero!

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Alice, I've only just seen your lovely comment, I don't know why. Sorry to ignore you. Yes, he is a hero, you're right! I hadn't quite thought of him like that, more just like the rest of us up against a scary world. I feel quite heroic myself now. Thank you. Have a lovely weekend.

 

Submitted by elsie katz on

Something very human about that mouse. Good poem.

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thank you, Elsie. Much appreciated. Hope all is well with you, have a lovely weekend.

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thanks again Alfie. A cunning use of the ancient language of Mouse​ .smiley