Beyond

By catherine poarch
- 3020 reads
There was fear in the yard and the wood-mouse hid,
under sticks and logs, as he always did.
Beyond was an alley of glittering cats,
a street full of feet, wearing mouse-catcher hats.
A city of gutters, with rats running deep.
Beyond that, the forest, where owls never sleep.
He opened one eye. Then he lifted his head….
there was nothing except his great feeling of dread.
But light years away, as if it had known
he would need it one day when he felt so alone,
The Plough was still shining. It tilted the sky.
It furrowed the darkness as time passed it by.
It silently stretched from the reaches of space,
the treading of ancients, a working of grace.
He wondered and waited. He waited and thought.
A step to adventure, a breath towards caught.
Beyond all his fears, it burned steady and bright.
Half out of the wood pile, he breathed in the night.
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Comments
Love it, Catherine.
Love it, Catherine.
Thinking of the metre (oh God! Listen to me!). If you can bear me, at first reading "six deep" jarred a little. I'm thinking of something like "never sleep" in terms of stress.
What do you think?
Ah, bugger. I've just read it again.
Parson Thru
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It's good, anyway.
It's good, anyway.
Parson Thru
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I am jealous at how this
I am jealous at how this flows. I struggle to get the right amount of syllables, let alone making it so skip like this. It's wonderful. In the rat bit, would "race" go easier of the tongue?
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I thought this fun and
I thought this fun and skilful. You can't have the rats never sleeping, as that is what the owls do in the next line! I was happy with the flow or bumps of that line, though the imagination boggled at rats six deep, but I guess that was the mouse's overactive imagination! Rhiannon
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Loved this Catherine. That
Loved this Catherine. That little mouse must have been exhausted after his adventure.
Jenny.
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too much rhyme and rhythm???
too much rhyme and rhythm??? There is a feeling of joy to be had JUST from the rhyme and rhythm when it's as good as this. "A city of gutters with rats running deep." is perfect
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I like it even more. Hey! Did
I like it even more. Hey! Did I miss the plough thing in my befuddlement? It's superb!
Parson Thru
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Southern climes?
Southern climes?
Parson Thru
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What a lovely piece. I love
What a lovely piece. I love how you draw our attention to the the lives of animals.
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This is a joy to read.
This is a joy to read. I really like the way the animals are portrayed. The wood-mouse is such a hero!
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Something very human about
Something very human about that mouse. Good poem.
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