By One's Own Hand

Cherry

By Gothicman

Sat, 23 May 2020
  • 935 reads
14 comments
 

I‘ve met many
cut down in time, held back
before the tentative fall
successfully emptied
stemmed from emptying
damaged, patched and delivered
back to square one

I’ve read their notes, anecdotes
letters of goodbye, of resignation
scribbled obituaries, epitaphs
obsessions, confessions
listened to explanations
accusations
seen tears of regret
tears of joy from being a failure
failing

their anger
at parent, lover, partner, friend
at physician, admission
at being saved
at their proof of incompetence
at the saviour’s insufficient display
of dismay

I've seen what opoids, hallucigens, barbiturates
depressive, regressive, psychotic states
does to users, losers, to domestic abusers
to innocent sufferers
to a surviving few

I’ve seen what love, loss, loneliness
mobbing, aging, craving, visions of doom
incessant pain, hoping in vain
does to us all
to some, more so

For others
living the good life
was just too blasé
having had and done everything
wondering where not living would lead
envious, curious, furious
of/at what only the dead might know

A retired friend
medical expert in forensic explosives
had it easier
piecing together filtered bits
of disintegrated hate
DNA without humbled eyes or
outstretched hands
still clutching broken straw

 

 

Goth:October:2015

Certificate U
Poem
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by Parson Thru on

A very raw piece, Gothicman. Sounds like you've done a lot of good. There's an awful lot of sadness in the world and a lot of harm. I suppose the only way to do what your friend did is dispassionately. Get the satisfaction from finding solutions to difficult puzzles. Adding to the corpus. Maybe helping to work towards an answer. Thought provoking piece.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Gothicman on

Well, it was intermittent, but never-ending, unfortunately. A cold, calm approach was necessary to remain efficient, but the emotional effects were felt of course at the strangest of times, luckily, I too, had a debriefing therapist when needed. Thanks, a heavy subject!
Best, Goth

Addendum: I'd prefer this to remain just a poem, so have removed all explanation in this reply, Parson Thru. I would rather forget all that part of working life as I felt I was starting to go in the old role again.

 

Submitted by onemorething on

This must have been a very hard job and not one that many could do, but I imagine you met a lot of people in their pain and helped them. The combination of listing and rhyme / half-rhyme work so well in this to give the sense of weightiness of the topic and it is heavy, but I think the more we talk about difficult things then it makes everything feel a little easier. Also I think the perspective that you have given it, distant from personal or specific takes enough weight out of it so that it is not too heavy. I liked the comparison too at the end, clever, and as Parson said, leaves you with plenty to think about. Rachel :)

 

Submitted by Gothicman on

Thanks Rachel. I thought this poem described the situation well, as it was raw and intense, and no amount of careful assessment could be relied upon to reduce the unpredictability of people at this desperate level. I felt it needed to be presented as a clean, uncluttered, cold, emotion-free, list that would explain something of the variation and complexity. I really wanted to give a better idea of why I like my present life, free from all that side of human sadness and failure, and failure to thrive. I glad you think this type of composition and layout has worked well for the subject matter. I've cut the submission down to it being just a poem now, as I think, seeing the effect of adding explanation, it is unnecessary, makes it far too clinical. I really should try to present the tranquility and layed-back feeling of my present life more. Thanks again, appreciated.
Trevor

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

A strong and emotive poem, Trevor. An excellent piece of work that I notice goes back to five years ago. The oldest seem always the best.Well done.

Best, Luigi.

PS Have you noticed the 'under maintenance'?

 

Submitted by Gothicman on

Thanks Luigi, the oldies, yes, we had more grey cells then! lol! Left this job in 2008, and when I think of it, where on earth did I get the energy from in maintaining that case-management function, in the centre holding onto all the help input threads! Ageing doesn't occur gradually, but is a series of descending steps?
Yes, it was becoming a kiddies' playground for four, out of control with no management at hand? Complaints of abuse weren't acted upon, and this encouraged further abuse. New and old members felt no inclination to enter into the four's sick world, or they only made the mistake once, and after this was pointed out to the powers that be, the site went down. I think Richard is a front-line worker at a hospital, and hasn't the time or lust to manage the site just now? I hope it comes back without the saboteurs - I'm not sure whether I'm considered one!
Best, Trevor

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

.

 

Submitted by littleditty on

Eee goth, the ending. Ouch. Really good. A Samaritan friend of mine does too and stops when she needs too..you have given me a nudge...difficult poem to write that i havent written yet yet yet. Hm. Thanks :-)

 

Submitted by Gothicman on

Thanks Ld! The Samairitans did a lot of useful work, were pioneers in the field actually, when I used to work there in 60s/70s. I can imagine your friend must have to set limits on her input, the population and Life's complexities, have changed dramatically since those early, wonderful days of post-war London (sigh).
Knowing you, whenever you get a nudge, an inclination, or an inkling, you usually produce a masterpiece like a long-eared rabbit out of a hat! So waiting......
Goth

 

Submitted by Gothicman on

Thanks for the cherries!

 

Submitted by celticman on

difficult, but pain is. 

 

Submitted by Gothicman on

Yes, a difficult job, trying to absorb their pain, with successes and failures, sometimes rewarding, occasionally causing self-doubt. Thankfully not often ending with thanks, but defiant indiffference, even better an indignation prompted by renewed feelings of self-worth, for thanks usually means unfinished!

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Beautiful, thoughtful, compassionate and emotive poem

 

Submitted by Gothicman on

Thank you Stephen, for your encouraging comment, much appreciated!
Trevor