Adolf Shitler at The Barking Moon
By ice rivers
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The Barking Moon was having trouble drawing a crowd on comedy night thanks to the Covid. So they hired a tragedian named Adolf Shitler to entertain the empty chairs and vacant tables. Why the hell not. Throw the guy a few beers and let him cry into them. The management had lowered their expectations so much that they were surpassed the moment Shitler walked in the door.
Shitler began his “show” with an observation regarding his fondness for geometry ( a subject he had failed three times in high school). “Without geometry, life would be pointless just like this “performance” and he made air quotes when he said performance and looked around the room.
No such thing as too “many” air quotes.
Air quotes were the “highlights” of his act. He was good at bending four fingers at the same time.
Nobody made a sound to which Shitler responded “if a duck “quacks” in a canyon there is no echo. Just remember he who “laughs” last thinks slowest.”
Dino the bartender broke the subsequent silence by yelling “Bullshit.”
Shitler, accustomed to savage heckling answered Dino..”If I agreed with “you”, we’d both be wrong.”
Shitler continued.....”Hey. I’ve learned a lot in my “career” and you never learn anything by doing it right. I'm learning a lot tonight like the fireman as he watched his firehouse brn to the ground”
Around this time the empty room was exploding with resentful silence. This was the “reaction” Shitler aimed at in his “performances”. Covid was proving a great time for masochistic, broken hearted tragedians.
The silence continued as Shitler said sad things sadly...his life a series of betrayals, reversals, unrequited affections and catastrophic attempts at taking ironic"short" cuts. Even his stage name was chosen as an act of contoversial self flaggelation more apt to earn animosity than empathy.
Finally, mercifully, Shitler wrapped up his “show” with a Covid "joke". "Hey didja hear that the new vaccine was “idiot” proof but then someone invented a better idiot."
He left the “stage” and went over to the bar. Dino asked “two for you” and gave Adolf a couple crawlers of Dipstick, a brand new "domestic" "brew" created earlier that morning by Dino’s brother in law Earl.
“Well I tried my best to fight the virus.....“they” claim the cure has to do with RNA." Shitler commented before slathering out the front door of the dive, feeling considerably less pain.
Dino slowly thought about Shitler’s farewell reply for the rest of the night.
RNA?
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