Bald Faced Lie

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." 

Much Ado about Nothing.  Quote Act ii. Scene 1. 

I got a hair cut and a beard trim a couple of weeks ago. After the ordeal was over, I went to the register to tally up with "Debbie".

I calculated the damage at around fifteen bucks what with the double senior discount applied to the cut and the trim.

Debbie was kind enough to try and charge me the non-senior rate and I hope it was because of the ironic youthfulness of my wrinkles rather than an attempt to rip me off.

I told her I was senior and she re-calculated and came up with eighteen bucks.

I thought this was an odd number so I asked for an explanation.

She pointed to the sign that stated the hair cut senior rate at $11 and the beard trim at $7 except next to the hair cut rate it  had a parentheses and the words (senior over 60) inside the parentheses.

There was no parentheses next to beard trim on the sign.

Beards get no senior discount.

Apparently my beard is younger than the hair on the top of my dome. 
I quoted Shakespeare to the confusion of Debbie. 

I got in my car and tried to figure this whole thing out.

You probably can't grow a beard til you're at least fifteen so perhaps in its infinite wisdom Supercuts subtracts the fifteen years from the chronological total which would make a guy of sixty trying to get a beard trim actually a guy of forty five. 

Maybe this is where somebody got the expression that sixty is the new forty five.

I didn't like having the discrepancy between the top and bottom of my head. I'm schizophrenic enough without further division. 

I knew the remedy.

I shaved it all off and for the first time in almost forty years I stood naked faced in front of a mirror.

I told myself I looked tremendous.

My first bald faced lie since 1972.

Suddenly, I was less of a man.