Richard Belzer died yesterday.

I have a fond memory of Richard. My memory stretches back 20 years to the first time we ever took Mary to New York city. Mary was feeling tentative while we were walking the streets of New York. I gave myself the same advice to Mary that I give myself every time that I walk the streets of Gotham, "pretend you're somebody famous."

While I was advising Mary, I was already pretending that I was famous. I was pretending that I was not only myself but also an obscure rock musician who could be recognized only by people who were very "with it" in terms of rock and roll mythology. I pretended to be one of the guys in Them. Them was Van Morrison's first bad. Before Van Morrison went solo and became VAN MORRISON, he was just the lead singer for Them and was the front man for great songs like Gloria, Here Comes the Night and Mystic Eyes.

I pretended that I was the drummer in that band that I was in town as part of an underground Them reunion gig and that anyone who knew anything about music ought to recognize me. I had a beat up black leather jacket working as well as the weathered look of a guy who played too much rock and roll for too many years and before turning into Brian Jones had taken a break and was now in New York with Van playing a one week only reunion gig at The Ritz.

That's who I was when I advised Mary. After taking my advice, I noticed she became visibly more relaxed. I don't know exactly who she was pretending to be but so long ago I'm pretty sure that Brittney Spears was part of the equation.

I am always amazed at how few people make eye contact while walking the streets of the city. I'm convinced that the only people that I do make eye contact with are people like me who are also pretending to be famous. In Manhattan especially, especially around 30 Rock, where we were walking, it is possible to come across people who are actually famous. Nobody is better at pretending to be famous than those folks who are famous. They have succeeded in becoming their belief.

So while pretending to be the drummer for Them, I happened to walk past Richard Belzer. I hadn't made eye contact with anybody for ten minutes or so yet when Belzer gets near me, he looks square into my eyes and I into his. He seemingly recognizes me but can't quite place my face but gives the impression that he does.

"What's happening Bellz?", I asked as if we had been live at Leeds together.

"Nuttin, how bout choo", Belzer repled as if we were on Letterman's couch together.

"Nuttin", I echoed as if I were counting down for Gloria.

"Later," Belzer said as if getting into a fake squad car.

I continued on my way.....thinking to myself, 'one Sunday morning we went walking down by the old grave yars in the morning fog and I looked at Belz and saw mystic eyes while imagining Van's harmoica riff.

Cool

But now the time has come to debug another urban legend. A very reliable source told me that the word on the street is that anytime anybody goes to New York, everybody always sees Richard Belzer who spends most of his time making eye contact with people whom he supects are tourists pretending to be someone famous who will eventually head back to the farm, the suburb, the bowling alley or the local Denny's and claimn to have seen Richard Belzer on their last trip to New York.

That is the first explanation that I have for the Belzer phenomena.

Here's another one

The guy that everybody see walking around 30 Rock is not in fact Belzer but a series of skinny pock faced tourists pretending to be Richard Belzer. Richard Belzer is a tremendous guy to pretend to be. A lot of people can recognize him in a "I know that guy" from somewhere kinda way so when a tourist is pretending to be Belzer Belzer doesn't have to worry about a mania thing happening. Also aside from the way he looks, who can possibly know how a real Richard Belzer behaves plus there are a lot of tall guys with acne ravaged grills who can get into a passable Belzer imitation with no problem.

Remember when pretending to be someone famous, a tourist must save some room to pretend to be themselves. This required self possession leaves room for an actual famous person to walk the streets without being mobbed.

When Jack Nicholson walked the streets of New York, he often pretended to be an obscure English teacher from upstate pretnding to be a the drummer for Them. Jack referred to this gambit as "the old double obscurity vanishing in plain sight trick" which he had learned from Dylan another guy who has perfected vanishing in plain sight. Jack and Bob can walk block upon block without being recognized by anybody except, ironically, each other or the real Richard Belzer who rarely leaves his apartment for fear of being recognized.

Several other possibilities exist; the possibilty that the Richard Belzer I saw was in fact a guy who was pretending to be Richard Belzer and was doing such a good job that I saw was the real Richard Belzer and the real Richard Belzer pretending to be the fake Richard Belzer made contact with me as he mistook me for Jack Nicholson and was eager to meet me and maybe be in "my" next movie. The real Belzer wanted to say hello without being to chummy and blowing "Jack's" which would have been an uncool and touristy thing to do. He was surprised when Jack or possibly Bob said "what's happening Bellz?"

That's my Belzer memory and I'm sticking with it.

Sorry to hear that the real Richard Belzer passed away yesterday.

Or did he.