Doin' The Dean
By ice rivers
You've had a tough day. Nothing traumatic but deadly in its own way. Repetitive. Uninspiring. Marginalizing. Alienating. Too listless to even qualify for frustrating. One of thousands of days like this that will be forgotten by everyone everywhere including you except in your subconscious where it will feed into your recurring nightmare of helpless, hapless abandonment.
Ya know what I mean?
Of course you do.
Well, I have come up with a remedy.
Actually James Dean started it in Rebel Without a Cause.
Here's how it works.
Position your hands so that your left thumb is under your left ear with the pointer finger above the ear....your litle finger should extend almost to what is/was your hair line. Now do the same with your right hand.That's right...thumb under ear...pointer finger....little finger....yeah..yeah...you got it.
Now pull backwards with both hands as if you're trying to remove the wrinkles from your forehead and widen your eyelids....really pull Goddam it...pull.
Now, look in the mirror and scream at the top of your lungs...."YOU"RE TEARING ME APART". Hold the pose for three seconds...keep pulling....now open your eys as wide as you can just before you stop pulling.
There you did it. Are you starting to feel a little better?
Does your day seem a little different from all the other days that were exactly like all the other countless days/daze until you did the Dean.?
If not do it again or even better yet, if you live with someone ask them if they have a moment and repeat the exercise right in front of them.
Having a forgettable argument with the spouse? Dean me up, Scotty.
If you want to have a truly memorable day...go downtown and start doing the Dean in front of people that you don't even know
In the recent movie Disaster Artist James Franco who once played James Dean did a tremendous imitation of Tommy Wiseau doing a crappy imitation of James Dean doing the Dean.
Look at all the attention Franco has gathered.
If you can get somebody to take your picture while you're doing the Dean and you paste it on facebook without any further comment, you will gert some likes which will brighten up your day.
Caution, when you're doing the Dean and the photographer is getting ready to snap the image....don't anticpate the climax. It's hard to do especially if the photographer is one of those "okay one, two, three" types. At the count of two, your liable to pose a little bit which cuts down on the vulnerability which gives the exercise its authenticity resulting in an homogenized look referred to as a Clean Dean.
A great place to do the Dean is at a sporting event where you can exercise at will and yet give the illusion of containment.
Once a year, the State of the Union speech is a great motivator. I did the Dean at least a hundred times during the last one...slighly more than one a minute. When I went to sleep that night I dreamt that Elvis Presley was president.
Finally, a wonderful time to do the Dean is immediately after reading an instructional essay on the cathartic effects of the exercise.
Like right now.
Your dreams will improve.