Donating Paulpaula

Although my mystery polyp was not clearly identified, I had named it Paulpaula as I didn't know whether. it was male or female.

Going into my third colonoscopy in eight months, Paulpaula had been discovered, approximately located and tattoed by  Dr. Matthews my gastroentolgist who didn't have the surgical skills nor credentials to remove it beyond standard scope. My surgeon Dr. James was about to attempt the mission wiith an "aggressive" colonoscopy.

I wish I had known that he was willing to take on this job a few months ago.

The night before the colonoscopy was sleepless for me and full of cleansing both physical, spiritual and emotional. Of course , I watched teevee throughout the vigilant night. If Dr. James couldn't remove Paulpaula, I was facing a much more serious robotic procedure procedufre that would cost $104, 000 of which $300 would be coming out of our pocket as well as $400 ot of pocket per day for follow up care in the hospital for three days followed by a a couple weeks of liquid diet and physical exhaustion limiting my ability to stand or to walk.

 Weirdly enough I started watching The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis and binged my way through the entire first season originally broadcast in 1959 which featured high school Dobie played by Dwayne Hickman in pathetic, futile, romantic pursuit of Thalia Meninger as played by Tuesday Weld. Dobie's rival for the affection of Thalia was rich guy Milton Armitage as played by Warren Beatty just before he became a movie star. As usual, Dobie was aided/confounded by his "beatnik" friend Maynard G Krebs played by Bob Denver who would soon go on to become Gillgan in Gilligan's Island. Maynard's speech pattern was a preview of coming generations as he included the word "like" in almost every sentence.

I attached waaay too much significance to each episode as I considered the ramifications of the upcoming procedure and the navigation required to get us this far. In other words. I hoped we were not involved in a futile, pathetic procedure. The operating room for the robotic procedure was stil reserved for the 26th if our "aggression" failed to remove Pualpaula.   Iwas wide, wide awake and my memory was operating at full capacity. For the rest of my life, I'm gonna remember the episode that I watched around 3 in the morning when Maynard gets drafted. His classmates and English teacher hold a "Like Goodbye" party for Maynard.

I desired a "Like Goodbye" party for Paulpaula, sooner raher than later. Tomorrow rather than the 26th.

GTFO.

We had to get to the hospital at ten in the morning for the 12;30 procedure. By 10:15 I was in the pre-op room wearing my hospital gear with the open back and the funky socks with the tread on the bottom so I wouldn't fall down.

By 10:45, I had the IV in my arm. Lynn sat patiently beside me during all of this fallderall. Finally at 12:30, Dr. James my surgeon entered the room and asked me if I was ready because he was. We shook hands and ten minutes later, they were wheeling me into the operating room.

I hadn't been in an operating room for 65 years but in the last year, I've been in one four times and this one made five. The operating room is always kind of a freakout at first. The nurses are chipper and outgoing and ready to go in. The Doctor had his back to me as if he were going over some last minute notes. Now that I'm an old pro in the operating room, I told them my standard OR joke.

" A skeleton walked into a bar. The bartender said,'whaddya you need?' to which the skeleton replied "a beer and a mop.'"

They laughed. I was glad they got the joke.

They had me turn on my left side leaving my behind exposed. I asked them if I would remember this and they said "oh yeah but you're not gonna remember much of anything else after this because we started the juice."

Next thing I knew, I was in a recovery room with Lynn by my side. Dr. James came into the room and told us the good news that the mystery polyp had been found, captured, removed and "finger printed" for full identification at the laboratory.

Beautiful.

Paulpaula didnt appear to be cancerous but it was going to be examined to make sure there had been no "malignant transmission" to the nearby lymph nodes We felt very relieved and thankful and I was hungry. It had gone about as well as could be expected, Paulpaula was no longer onboard. It had become a donation to science.

They wheeled me out to my car. Lynn and I went home. She made me a delicious tuna cheese melt sandwich. I made yummy noises.

For the first time in eight months I had the feeling that I didn't have cancer again. The feeling is almost like falling in love.

Only the official biopsy remained.

Stay tuned.