Don't Shoot the Piano Player (HGWT recap)

Prologue.....
"as long as we're betting. Jim, let's make it worthwhile...the piano player and the eight thousand dollars he lost against the girl."

Exterior of Hotel Carlton.

We immediately see a close up of Paladin's business card held between two gloved fingers. (what's up with the gloves?). The fingers and the gloves belong to a well dressed , dark haired female who asks Paladin, "why did you answer my advertisement?"

Paladin takes the card from the gloved fingers and invites the woman to sit down. Paladin is wearing a smoking jacket and in front of him is a chessboard. An ornate desk, a lamp and shelves of books give the impression that this must  be Paladin's apartment within the Carlton (or a high priced whorehouse on a respectable boulevard). Paladin answers, "to tell you the truth, your advertisement amused me."

He reads the woman's advertisement...'Since San Francisco police fear to walk their own streets to search for my fiancee, I am obliged to appeal for the help of anyone who has the courage to venture south on Pacific Street.'

Paladin laughs and asks, "How long has your fiancee been missing?" The woman reveals that he has been missing for three months and 'Albert' would be a loss not only to her but also to the world as 'Albert' would be an outstanding student and composer "one of the most talented and exciting men" that she has ever met (doesn't that description pertain to the fiancees of most women while he's still in 'wonderful guy' stage before she has to 'wash that man out of her hair' when she discovers his inherent masculine immaturity etc.) Albert's father didn't appreciate his son's talent and gave Albert $8,000 dollars to invest in San Francisco real estate.

When Paladin hears this news, he laughs again this time ruefully and observes that, "if Albert has decided to invest in the Barbary coast than a lamb in a slaughterhouse has a better chance."

The gloved woman, insulted by Paladin rises from her chair as Paldin rises from his. She faces Paladin and asserts," I'm not sure that I would want a man like you to help me."

Paladin replies, "Well, Miss Emily Eubanks, it's been my pleasure."

Emily is surprised to be recognized and wonders how Paladin knew her name. Paladin reveals a book he had been reading entitled Poems by Emily Eubanks which has a picture of Emily on the cover. ( let's face it if you're gonna be an East Coast poetess around this time in America...Emily is a great name). Paladin with barely repressed irony answers Emily's unspoken WTF  question, " Occasionally some bit of culture does reach us in these vast wastelands and he recites from memory a passage from one of Emily's poems....'Would I sweet Orpheus follow thee down to that livid chamber of eternal night where melody from a broken heart drew iron tears down Pluto's cheeks'
Emily steps forward (in the way that all poets step forward when they mistakenly believe that someone has understood what the hell they were trying to say) and observes "Then you do understand."

Paladin hands Emily back her book and asks, "emily should we go and find Albert,

Act II begins with the sound of a piano playing and a sign that reads DON"T SHOOT THE PIANO PLAYER, HE"S DOING THE BEST HE CAN."

A light bulb explodes in the imagination of Francois Truffault and Richard Thompson.

Paldin and Emily enter a smokey, sleazy bar where the addled patrons are farting, sharting, swearing silently ( farting and swearing were not yet part of teevee) while loudly drinking, bbrawling and snuggling "bar girls" (wink wink etc.) Paladin is wearing a stylish suit the rigorously unstylish patrons look at Paladin as if he were a fish in a tree. 

Holding Emily by the arm he passes through the smoke and the riff raff towards the piano player whom Emily recognizes as Albert. Big Jim is running the bar and is making out with a bar girl (only one wink per story allowed on the same characters) Big Jim notices Paladin and informs him that a wager is in place and wonders if Paladin "would like to place an opinion on the outcome.

The bet is whether or not the piano player can play for 36 straight hours. Big Jim reveals that the piano player has been playing for just short of eighteen hours. 

Jim approaches Emily and  observes, "this boy plays pretty enough to break your heart doesn't he?'

Emily answers, "He's spent four years studying in the Boston Conservatory."

Jim lecherously walks around Emily, sizing her up, "I told ya he played perty, didn't I?' Jim turns to Paladin and asks, "who's the lady?"

"She's a friend."

"How good a friend?"

"What does that mean?"

"How much is she worth to ya?"

"She's not for sale."

"To be honest, I wasn't thinking of buying her"

Albert recognizes Emily. He stops playing the piano.

Nellie, who owns the bar checks her watch and proclaims, "He stopped playing and he's been stopped for 20 seconds. You lose your bet, Jim."

The drunken patrons applaud. Jim pulls $1000 out of his pocket and pays Nellie on the spot. Nellie takes the hundred dollar bills and tucks them within the garter holding up her black stockings.(where's her gloves?)

Emily approaches Albert and asks, "what have they done to you?"

Under Emily's questioning, the bedraggled Albert Albert admits that he spent all of his money and looks towards a dark haired bar girl and confesses that for all the squandered loot, he didn't even "have the satisfaction of being wicked. I'm just weak and no damned good."

Emily (like all women in such a situation) strokes Albert's tear stained cheeks and asks, "Since when has it been a sin to be sensitive to beauty?"

Uh Huh

Anyways, Paladin steps into this reunion. He and Emily prepare to lead Albert out of the saloon and into the bright lights of Emily's unshakeable support on his way to a brilliant career back East and his father's grudging respect

But wait a minute.

This is an ADULT Western.

This isn't Tom Mix.

ACT 3

Emily, Albert and Paladin sit down at a table. Paladin also wonders how the hell Albert ended up in a place like this. Albert claims that he came to the bar one night and woke up the next morning with empty pockets. Big Jim was going to sell him to a crimper for delivery to a vessel borne for Shanghai.

Emily wonders if such things are possible in San Francisco. Paladin assures her that such things, "ARE possible ESPECIALLY in San Francisco."

Paladin wonders what softened Big Jim's hard heart. Albert explains that someone had murdered the previous piano player and she needed one right away. She offered Jim $35 for Albert and since this was more than the Crimper offered, Jim sold the piano player to Nellie.

Paladin looks at Jim and without a lot of sympathy deducts, "well the 4 years you spent at the conservatory didn't go for nothing? (yuk, yuk)

As they head for the swinging doors to freedom and fame, Nellie interrupts the exit and informs Paladin that Albert belongs to her and he's not for sale.

In response, Paladin returns to the bar and challenges Big Jim to another bet. Paladin wants Jim to put the piano player up as his stake. Paladin offers to put up $1000 to make up for the lost revenue that Jim had already suffered that night. 

Big Jim wants to know what they're betting on and Paladin says, "Anything you want, you name the game and I'll beat you at it."

Jim can't believe his ears and wonders if Paladin know's what he's saying. Jim holds up his ham and says, "punch for punch" and we keep trading until one of us don't get up off the floor for one minute."

Paladin agrees and asks what he should put up beyond the $1000 for the freedom and reimbursement of the piano player. Of course Jim wants Emily. Paladin again asserts that Emily is not for sale and offers 2000. Big Jim says he'll throw in any girl in the place including Nellie herself. Paladin refuses the deal but is surprised when Emily agrees to it. Emily steps forward and tells Paladin and tells Paladin, "it's my decision to make and I've made it."

Kudos to Emily for putting her skin in the game( or is this a Belle DeJour kinda thing)

The bet is on. Him for her with $8000 ($192,000 in todays economy) bucks on the side.

Both men remove their suit coats and flip a coin to determine who will get the first punch. Paladin calls head. Tails come up (thank God the bet wasn't on the coin flip). Paladin is wearing a turtle neck sweater and Jim a striped long sleeved shirt with necktie. (suggested wear for a formal bar room brawl in a Barbary coast hellhole)

Jim takes the first swing before Paladin is prepred and sends Paladin (or somebody who looks like Paladin) sprawling over a table and into the piano. Nellie starts the count on her watch. JoJo, one of Jim's henchmen, moves the patrons back as they make or refresh their side bets. Jim turns his back on Paladin and makes his way to the bar with a "What a goddamned fool he was" grin on his grill.

Meanwhile Paladin regains his feet and heads toward the bar where Jim is drinking a shot of rotgut. Paladin swings Jim around, winds up like a baseball pitcher and knocks Jim (or someone who looks like Jim) across another table and through a fake chair which splinters.

Jim regains his feet with a swelling under his right eye. The first punches were delivered when the combatants were not prepared. This time, they toe the line and stand face to face. Jim asks Paladin if he's ready. Paladin nods his head. Jim raises his right fist and with his left thumb takes precise aim while Paladin winces in anticipation.

Jim delivers a mighty WHACK which sends Paladin across the room where "he" crashes face first into a "brick" wall. When Paladin turns to face Jim, he is still standing but clarat is pouring from his mouth. He seems to "smile" through the "blood" as Nell, JoJo and Jim watch. Emily puts her gloved fingertips to her lips in concern. Paladin takes two "smiling" steps towards towards Jim when he pirouettes and collapses flat on his back.

Nell checks the time.

Jim locks lips with a struggling Emily.

Jim turns to Nellie and makes note of Emily's "opposition" which he says , Is the difference between a lady and your kind of trash."

As the minute ticks away, Jim forces Albert back to the piano and orders him to play. Jim returns to the bar for another shot of whiskey. Paladin remains flat on his bak while the seconds tick away. Jim grabs Emily again and demands that Albert play the wedding march.

With ten seconds left, Paladin climbs back to his feet and beats the count. 

He returns to the bar and asks for a bottle of whiskey "please". He bites off the top and pours whiskey on his right handc which was damaged when Paladin threw his first wild punch.

After drenching his injured paw, Paladin takes a huge belt of whiskey straight from the bottle before passing the whiskey over to Jim who takes an even bigger blast.

The men resume their fighting positions. Paladin takes Jim by the cheeks and gently places Jim's chin where Paladin wants it. Paladind tries to make a fist with his right hand either because the hands is broken or it's drunk. 

Paladin might not be right but he's got something left.

He takes a few steps back. He raises his left fist. He charges forward and delivers a perfect left hook that sends Jim over another and into another table and three beer kegs, the top of which burst open and fill the surrounding floor with foam.

Now, even the floor is drunk.

The patrons yell for Jim to get up but he is out cold. Nellie dertifiers that a minute has passed with Jim in the foam.

Paladin is the winner.

Albert, Emily and Paladin head for the bar to collect thier winnings. On the way to the bar, they pass the bar girl on whom Albert has wasted his money.

Before paying Paladin, Nellee asks Albert if "he would really leave Od Nell after all I've done for you?"

Nellie reluctantly gives Paladin the original $8,000. Paladin takes another huge belt of whiskey. Albert counts out $1000 and gives it back to Nellie for "three months worth of whiskey " and they head for the door.

As they get to the steps leading up to the exit, Albert turns and takes a final look. He spies an empty seat at the poker table. Paladin excuses himself and takes the money from Albert because "it's my money."

Albert asks Paladin if he would leave a little. Paladin reluctantly hands Albert some money. Albert asks for chips. The gloveless bar girl jumps on Albert's Lap and they begin sucking face in front of the tearful, astonished Emily and the disgusted Paladin.

Albert looks up from the table and says, "I'm sorry Emily. You better go home.'

Emily and Paladin leave the bar. Emily looks forlorn and concerned. Paladin takes her by the arm and they exchange a look which indicates that they've both learned something and are better off for the learning.