Further Defenestration Details (The Story of Eustrokus)
By ice rivers
Eustrokus loved his life as a eunich. He had a great voice. He could come and go within all of the harems within the worship of Baal. He was involved in every sort of intrigue, trusted by all of his masters and mistresses.
Hey, ya didn't get to be a eunich by waiting for a bus. Eustrokus had to pass an entrance exam that eliminated as many as 90% of the candidates. During the exam, the Coptic clergyman chained the candidates to tables, then, after slicing off their sexual organs, (penis and testicles) stuck a piece of bamboo into the urethra for urination and submerged them in neck-high sand under the sun to prevent infection. The survival rate was ten percent. Slave traders made especially large profits off eunuchs from this region.[
The eunuch's reward was that he was sold for a higher price than other slaves and, of course, much higher than the candidates who didn't survive the slicing, the bamboo, and the sand. The ones who died in the sand simply had their heads removed from the sand and the stump covered over which saved a lot of burial time. The skulls were presented to one of the high priests who preserved them in the carcass of a sacred crocodile called Repticus. When archaeologist found Repticus they came to the conclusion that Repticus had devoured more than 100 boys. Thus began, the persecution of alligators and crocodiles who kill about as many humans a year as do cows.
So, yeah, Eustrokus became adept at manicures and pedicures. He loved his work which wasn't real strenuous compared to some of the shit he saw other slaves doing like being hamstrung so they couldn't get away and working 24/7 in the salt mines without food until they croaked and thier bodies thrown into a dung heap.
Eusrtrokus would take being a eunich any day over that shit.
Still, Eustrokus knew what side of the bread was buttered and what was battered. He had a Baaal with Jezebel but he had heard through the eunich grapevine that Elisha's coming and he'd better hide his heart.
Ahab was killed in battle. Ahab's son was assasinated. Jezebel was out of power except for her tremendous,seductive sexuality which had got her this far. She sent a message to Jehu, the man chosen by Elisha to avenge the slaughter of the prophets. Her message asked "Hey you Jehu! You wanna piece? You can come. I'll be standing in the window if you wanna take a look."
The message was mistranslated into "have you come in peace?" which enraged the avenger and sealed Jezebel's fate.
So Eustrokus and the otjer eunuch's dressed, cleaned and polished Jezebel up so she would look great standing in the window. Eustrokus thought it was his best mani ever. When the avenger came in sight of the castle, Eustrokus and Jehu exchanged an important glance. Eustrokus saw within that glance a window of opportunity. He would switch sides.
With that, Eustrokus threw Jezebel out of the window to the dogs and chariot wheels below.
Even though this action marked the end of the great Baaal movement, Estrokius really didn't give a shit about Jezebel one way or the other.
Jehu appreciated the gesture. Looking at the remains of Jezebel, he saw a perfect fit. He spared Eustrokus from the avenging sword. He took Eustrokus home with him and gave him to his daughter whose nails were a goddamned mess.