Mandella Man
By ice rivers
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The Mandella effect is a syndrome in which a large mass of people believe an event occurred when it didn't. Every time I see a clip of JFK arriving in Dallas, I keep thinking that somehow what followed isn't going to happen and when I see Chauvin on the neck of Floyd, I keep hoping it's a Mandella but realize that it isn't.
Yeah, I think Bogart said "play it again Sam" and I swear I've seen a painting of Henry 8 eating a turkey leg. The monocle on the Monopoly guy? I get that wrong as well.
I'm susceptible to Mandella and I suffer from the effect almost every day. Let me 'splain.
I am careful to put the toilet seat down when I finish urinating. I am careful to turn the light on in the john to more accurately avoid any splatter caused by water closet darkness. My wife has emphasized these points very succinctly and passioantely over the years.
I swear I put the seat down every time. I know I do and did and I've turned the light on and off every time as well so it amazes me when I hear my wife slamming the toilet seat down. She doesn't even say anything anymore (as the SLAM of reality speaks for itself) unless I left the light on at which point she says "you left the light on" immediately after she SLAMS the seat down.
Every SLAM fills me with confusion and disorientation as I could have sworn that I put the seat down and sometimes I'll even say "I swear I put the seat down" to which she replies "well I know I didn't put it up and we're the only two people in this house etc."
I think I had better luck when I didn't even think about putting the seat down (or up for that matter). Now that I'm cautioned and tenderized as soon as I step into the room I start concentrating on a) turning on the light b) putting the seat up c) for sure (count to 3....concentrate) putting it back down d) turning off the light.
Then I'm in another room
Then SLAM
Mandella, Mandella, mandella.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only married man who suffers from this syndrome. I thnik that I and those like me constitute a significant percentage of men.
Forgive us, we know not what we do.
And let's hope that the George Floyd tragedy is a Mandella that we all thought we saw but that didn't actually happen...same with the virus.
SLAM SLAM SLAM.
SNEEZE
SLAM
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Comments
Such tragedies (not your
Such tragedies (not your bathroom struggles!) need to be sombrely dealt with and faced up to, but lashing out, causing rioting and hatred and death is another tragedy. Rhiannon
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OH Rhia!!!!
but lashing out, causing rioting and hatred and death is another tragedy (?)
It's not when there is no other way.
The tragedy is when it makes no difference (as in 1968)
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I'm starting to wish the
I'm starting to wish the whole of 2020 - so far - was just one great big Mandela effect.
Enjoyed reading this, Ice!
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