New Normal Sharks

My brother-in-law Rocky is a Harley ridin' outdoorsman.

One day we asked his wife Judy if Rocky watches a lot of teevee.

Judy said "How many times a year is Shark Week broadcast? "

Sharks

Always a new normal for sharks.

They used to be swimming around minding their own business or being a cool gang name for West Siders rumbling with Jets. Then Peter Benchley came along followed by Stephen Spielberg and all of a sudden sharks became public enemy number one. We sent out the vigilantes who slaughtered sharks at an unprecedented rate far in excess of the feeding that sharks were doing on humans.

Next thing ya know, there was Saturday Night Live with the Land Shark. Women would hear a knock on their apartment door and when they asked who was there, they got an unintelligible answer until they opened the door and were immediately devoured by a walking shark.

Now sharks were a joke.

Still the one sided war between sharks and sharkhunters persisted.

Next was Sharkboy....a kid with fins who had shark superpowers.

Shark as  half human hero.

Then gigantic, super-intelligent sharks like the one who devoured/interrupted Sam Jackson smack dab in the middle of Sam's rousing speech about how if everybody worked together they could defeat the sharks.

Then the jokes...

What's the difference between a bass and a shark?

A shark is a hundred times bigger than a bass and is trying to devour you.

Then shark week

Then Sharknado

Thousands of sharks flying through the air and devouring people as they flew into business offices or dropped on folks from out of the sky.

Sharknado became a sensation and was the genesis for at least five successors.

Sharks were a big hit on cable.

Last week, we saw the two latest iterations in the new normal of sharkdom.

The first was a "film" on SYFY called Zombie Shark. Yep, once again a scientist trying to save the world accidentally creates another super shark who has the ability to come back from the dead and thus destroy human civilization. Not only does the shark come back from the dead but also people he devours come back as regurgitated zomboids. Furthermore, the shark named Bruce in homage to  Speilberg's mechanized shark in Jaws has the ability to communicate with other sharks and has started a herd of contagious zombie sharks who are intent on devouring a tiki bar.

The patrons of the tiki bar decide to fight back again to rescue humanity. The tiki bar bartender attmepts a Sam Jackson Henry the Fifth at Agincourt speech as they foolishly prepare to attack the sharks in the water. He warns the human army..."Don't get bit....If they bite you, you'll turn into a zombie."

On my couch, I ad libbed/improvised the next exhortation

"But if You bite them.......

Lynn finished it off

"They'll turn into morons."

We started laughing as we tried to imagine the behaviour of moron Zombie sharks.

The movie swam/sank on to its final inxeplicable resoultion.

Another new normal in shark world.

Finally, we rented the new version of Suicide Squad starring Idris Alba. Margot Robbie. John Cena and Sylvester Stallone. We kept waiting for Stallone to show up. He never showed up until the cast of crdeits revealed that Stallone was the gigantic walking shark god who was really a feoricous fish out of water looking for new friends.

Yup...good old Sly Stallone was trying to save his career playing a gigantic, walking, talking, heroic, sympathetic shark.

Pretty sure that in the next new normal, Stallone's Supershark will get a movie of his own...perhaps fighting off zombie moron sharks as they attempt to swim up Niagara Falls to spawn in Canada as they attempt to get the hell out of Buffalo.

Can't wait.

Sharky 2, 3,4, and 5.

Pretty sure Rocky's gonna tune in, if he's not out fishing or shooting into a barrell.