Okay OctoMan

Next week, Joe Biden will turn 80 years old.

Congratulations Joe.

What a life.

A life full of triumph and tragedy and meaningful service to our country.

You're in tremendous shape for a guy your age. No doubt, that you could take me in a fight and I'm five years younger and 50 pounds heavier.

You've already struck a meaningful blow against ageism by becoming the oldest person to ever be elected president. You still look great in those aviators. Even the hair plugs and dentures are coming together.

Thanks for standing up against Putin. Thanks for the pot pardons. Thanks for the increase in Social Security. 

You haven't announced your plans for the upcoming presidential election. Are you gonna run again?

Please

Say it ain't so, Joe.

If you run again and win, your second term will end when you're 86. 86 is too old Joe. You defer judgment about your age by telling your critics and friends to judge you on what you do and to "watch me."

I can assure you that you will be judged on what you do and you will be watched. I daresay that very, very fw people do their best work in their mid-eighties. The judgement and the watching will be mercilessly  jaundiced by your age. Your gaffes will be magnified. Your stumbles will go immediately viral.

I'm sure that you can maintain your current level of cromulence for the next two years but that's about it. If the Repubs win the House, there's the customary impeachment trial that will demand a lot of attention. Perhaps that can be avoided with a graceful exit and passing of the baton.

You gotta go Joe and you can leave with your head held high. You've done enough.

Don't stay too long at the fair.

It's not a good look for America that in this wonderful, energetic, dynamic, diverse country; the best we can come up with is an 82 year old white guy from Delaware even if he is running against a 78 year old nut. Yeah Joe, it is conceivable that you could win again. You could, however, retire undefeated and on top.

I don't see any compelling presidential candidates on the horizon for either party. Some body has got to emerge. I kinda wish it would be somebody from out of left field. Somebody popular with the people. Somebody with common sense and common touch. Maybe the Rock or Ken Jennings or Oprah somebody removed from the swamp. If Trump wasn't a nut case, he might have done the job and we'd be done with lifelong politicians like Joe Biden who nobody trusts or likes in the first place. Not you Joe. Everybody likes you. You're Uncle Joe. 

You're the oldest school politician still surviving. 

Who says "I wanna grow up to be a politician and rule over this beautiful land"?

We all have the right to dream about becoming president but do we have to become sleazeballs along the way. Do we have to learn to talk from both sies of our mouth ast ther same time. Do we need to know how to look one person in the eye while we're shaking hands with another and winking at a third. I'm not saying you're sleazeball, Joe. You're a nice guy. You've done it all. You can take off your badge. Relax Joe.

You've earned it.

Let it go.

Write that amazing autobiography. Chill with your buddy Barrack.

It's okay Joe.

Everything is okay.