Ostrich Bantering in Cambridge
By ice rivers
It was my daughter Sarah's 28th birthday. We were in Cambridge, not fah from Hahvahd. We took an Uber so we didn't have to pahk the cah.
I was teling her the story of Jeff Banter.
We were drinking beers that contained a slice of orange. Some people would contend that putting an orange in a beer is a terrible thing to do to an orange while others would contend that it's a terrible thing to do to a beer. When I tasted the beer, I made this obsevation. "It's not bad but it's not Bud."
Sarah replied. "it's not Bud but it's not bad."
I tell ya, ya cahnt get a Budweiser drahft in Boston anymore.
I told her Jen Banter's reaction to Jeff Banter's story about Ping and the ostrich.
"it's not funny". said Jen. "It's sick. Why do you think animal cruelty is funny?'
"I don't get the cruelty part" said Jeff.
"Well" said Jen, "you never laugh and this is what you choose to laugh at; an overfed bird passing out?'
"So the bird passed out. It didn't die. It just ate a little too much spaghetti. "Because it didn't die, you can't establish eleven plates of spaghetti as a lethal benchmark."
"Cruelty doesn' require murder"
"Hey, if the bird was in trouble, I'm sure Ping or somebody would have tried mouth to beak resuscitation", Jeff chortled.
"See" observed Jen, you laugh at that. "You think it's funny. It's not funny, it's stupid. Would you think it was so funny if the human had passed out?"
"ya know what Jen, you're the kind of Puritan that would have been aginst bear abiting not out of concern for the bear but out of concern that the people baiting the bear was having a good time. Why don't you just relax. It's now a proven fact that an ostrich can survivce 11 plates of spaghetti.
"Hey idiot, if an ostirch can survive eleven plates of spaghetti and a person can survive eleven plates of spaghetti..does that make an ostirch a person?"
"I admire the perspicacity of your syllogism but I object to your premises.
"How can you object. You're the one who told the stupid story."
"You don't even know what a syllogism is."
By this point, Sarah was laughing so hard tha she put her head into her hands to hide the tears rolling down her face.
"Are you laughing or crying." I asked her as gales of laughter statrted to sound like a storm of sobs.
"I'm doing both", said Sarah. "The Banters sound exactly like you and Mom.