Otto and the Dude Reel 2
By ice rivers
So me and Ice sat there like twin particles ready to collide at the edge of a black hole. Something was about about to happen but nobody knew exactly what. We both got out our cameras and our contradictory tickets. I'm trying to feature the Dude prohibiting photos in a situation like this and I can't see it.
One thing we know about the Dude...he abides.
I'm tawkin' bout the Dude who always adhered to a pretty strict drug regimen to keep his mind, ya know, limber. What kind of limberminded photographer like Jeff Bridges would bar other photographers from taking pictures of El Duderino himself. Next thing ya know, we'll find out that photos are prohibited inside the Alamo, that bastion of resistance and independence, which in fact they are as I found out in a similar confrontation fifteen yearas earlier while drifting through San Antone.
Also, I hoped to ask Jeff a few questions. Did he do his own bowling scenes and because of the whole brevity thing did the Dude prefer being called El Duderino, Duder, His Dudeness or simply the Dude or Dude.
Decisions were soon to be made.
Making decisions without accurate intelligence is like applying mathematical theories to non-mathematical facts. It's like grabbing a pool rack and putting the rack into sink full of swamp water in the hopes of creating a liquid triangle or a fertle delta. It don't work. I've tried versions of that experiment many times if not most of my life.
And once again, at the Dryden, I found myself trying to rack up innocent water although this time I was closer to Ice than to actual water. I've also learned that when you subtract mathematical theory from contradiction, you eventually wind up with paradox. Ice, although heavier than water floats upon it. Paradox means you face a crossroads of two clear ,equally balanced, oppositional ideas options that are uncompromisingly win/win or lose/lose in their execution.
Sink or swim
Then, the curtain rustled and out comes the Dude himself in the person of Jeff Bridges. Dude looks exactly like he does on screen except a whole helluvalot smaller. As I decided whether or not to take his picure, at least ten guys ran down the aisle like stealth bombers in hoodies and beards, snapped off several rounds of flashes and then ran back down the aisle, out the door, into the parking lot, into their POS cars and down East Avenue towards Wegman's before BarBar could even get her panty hose unwadded.
Dude didn't look like he minded the snapping. I suppose it helped that the stealth crew snapped him before he even had a chance to give two shits.
Dude, as Jeff ,started to speak about how misunderstood his father Lloyd's career had been as Sea Hunt became a mixed blessing for the Bridges family. The money was the good part. The bad part was that the viewing audience thought that Dude Dad Lloyd actually was a skin diver, actually was Mike Nelson the role his Dad had played on the teevee show. Dude said most of his life somebody has been coming up to him all teary eyed and saying "Thanks to your father, Mike Nelson, I've become a skin diver and all my children want to become marine bilogists or harbor masters."
Imagine, confusing an actor with a role that he played
One of my childhood friends had the same idea, sort of. I guess that's why he started calling himself "mike" and strapping a waste basket on his back, sticking a garden hose in his mouth, putting a pair of underpants over his face and a huge pair of rubber galoshes on his feet, he would "skin dive" by crawling around on his belly in his backyard in the rain until he reached the end of his hose and crawled back before his air ran out remembering to keep the crawl slow as to avoid the bends.
Good thing my friend didn't see High Noon when he was a kid, otherwise he might have grown up either a craven coward or a "boy not a man" as Katy Jurado had called Dude's da when Dude Dad bailed out upon the return of Frank Miller as the clokc ticked towards High Noon.
Meanwhile, as the Dude was five feet away and looking straight at me, I was coming to a conclusion of my own. It was the flash in his face not the photo itself that the Dude objected to and wanted to minimize with the small print on the fancy ticket. Since my disposable didn't have a flash, all I had to do was wait until Dude looked away for a second and I could snap his picture as I felt that I had the right to do. In all likelihood, the flashless picture wouldn't come out anyway. Dude wouldn't know that I had taken a picture that didn't come out and everybody would have a win. Paradox confronted and overcome. Slick as snot on a doorknob.
While I waited Dude kept rappin' and looking right at me while he spoke.
The way he was looking at me, reminded me of the phenomena of paired neurons. You see, when we watch somebody do something that we've done, paired neurons fire off in our brain similar to the neurons firing off in the brain of the person who is doing something that we've already done. If you play the guitar and then go and watch somebody else play the guitar, you are having a whole different neurological experience than a person who doesn't play the guitar. And the guy playing the guitar can usually recognize you in the audience because he can feel your neurons firing in synch with his which makes him play the guitar better which makes you get more into his performance and fire more neurons which makes his guitar play even better and refire etc ad infinitum.
Anyways, this is the way that Dude was looking at me.
Certainly, I was firing 'you are the Dude" neuronic vibes to the Dude but to my amazement he was firing back 'no YOU are the Dude' neuros back at me.
I wondered if anybody else noticed.
I took a quick look over at Ice who was trying to pair up with the vibe and cop off it but he was unable to.
I turned my attnetion from Ice back to the Dude who took my glance at Ice as an vibe breaker rather than an icebreaker. Dude looked away.
My opportunity arrived.
I snapped my camera.
The camera didn't flash.
Dude never noticed.
The whole transaction didn't count.
Like an at bat that takes six pitches two fouls and four balls.