Rally Round Part Two
By ice rivers
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You've already taken the first steps towards becoming a teacher of Rally Round. You've played at least two games and won them both. You are beginning to think that you understand the game. Perhaps you've played 100 games and are still undefeated.
The next step is you have to lose. No matter how big the shock to the spectators watching and particpants playing the game, you must lose and lose gracelessly, disqualified arguing against some of the rulings during the game and claiming those rulings were in contradiction of rulings made in previous games which of course they were. With a disqualification, there are no winners only losers except for anyone who is playing for the first time. Disqualification has a special, delicious irony as everyone who is and has been playing the game "against" you has been cheating their asses of in every way imaginable in order for you to win while keeping you distracted with fake instruction and false compliments.
You will never win another game of Rally Round. The purpose of Rally Round is to identify losers and make them believe that they are winners through the "game" of Rally Round.
As you might have suspected, there are no rules in Rally Round (much like love and war). Every Rally Round game must include a teacher and a teacher assistant along with the identified loser who is invited to the game for the sole purpose of increasing his/her confidence and belief in their good fortune thus resulting in a more steadfast, braver person who is a candidate to become a teacher/base member
Understand that all of your previous victories have been set-up jobs to make you feel better about yourself. A teacher will soon invite you to join him in another game of Rally Round when the next loser soon to be winner is identified. You will agree to play while suggesting a variation of the game that will generally be over-ruled by the teacher although not always.
You will follow the lead of the teacher, who is making the game up as he/she goes along. You will admire the good luck of the new player and sympathize whenever there is a momentary setback on his/her road to ultimate, assured victory. You will register dismay at your own misfortune.
The more players competing in the game, the more support given to the teacher of the game who himself has been on a long, long, losing streak and has risen through the ranks of participant and student teacher. Of course, those introductory steps can be skipped entirely if the teacher needs a third party to begin the victory streak of a recently identified loser.
The only "rules" of the game are that the loser must always win, the teachers must always lose and no one can reveal that the outcome of every game has been predetermined until the loser begins to question the game itself under the misunderstanding that he has a better understanding of the rules of the game than does the teacher which is an impossibility because the teacher is making the rules up as he/she goes along.
When a winner (loser) is deemed confident and brave enough to face the facts, he/she is privately enlightened (as you are being enlightened at this moment) the true nature of the "game "and informed that they (you) will never win another game on their (your) road to being a teacher.
They must take the pledge not to reveal what they know at the risk of becoming a RRINO (Rally Rounder In Name Only) which will include exclusion from the ever growing base as well as prejudicial bias against the RRINO as word spreads amongst the base that the god damned RRino couldn't keep his/her blabbermouth shut and thus was revealed as an untrustworthy "asshole" a person beneath the contempt of all Rally Rounders everywhere forever.
As your teacher, I am confident that you will take the pledge and become an active member of our base and will participate in every game of rally round to which you are invited. My reputation as a teacher depends upon trust. Based upon the games that I've witnessed you playing, I've noticed and admired your ability to think you've got things figured out and your ever increasing arrogance.
I think you're ready to start losing which is of course victory. We know you're a natural loser, that's what got you into the game in the first place.
Remember the ancient adage; if you cant do then teach and if you can't teach...teach teachers.
You're gonna make a great teacher, Haylen.
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