Roadkill, Rabies and Ugg
By ice rivers
- 361 reads
Amazingly enough, Ugg did great at school. His teachers called him "Don" and they apparently mistook his lack of style as a sign of intelligence. I guess they also figured that he knew more about them personally then he let on so they were quick to give him the benefit of the doubt when report cards came out. The effect of Ugg's good grades was paradoxical. It's bad enough having a snotty face. It's even worse when you've got a snotty face and straight A's,
Another thing about Ugg.
His hands were always filthy. He washed them about as much as anyone else but he spent so much time with his arms buried in grrease and grime, dust and dirt, carcass and crap, that he always hand carried a fresh coat of feculence with him. Ugg was the kind of guy who would pick up road kill with his bare hands and throw it to the side of the road. No matter how revolting the corpse, Ugg was never afraid to touch it. With his grimy hands ideally suited for introspection, the only thing Ugg liked better than fixing thiings was taking them apart.
Ugg took everything apart and put some things back together. He coudn't put a road kill back together but he could objectively take it further apart. In this fashion, Ugg becam an expert in flat cat anatomy. He could speak from manual experience on the subject of scattered skunk. Ugg even knew a lot about rabid raccoons whose splattered remains turned up in great profusion in the deadly summer of 98. Those coons were hunting and being hunted and when they finally got blasted, nobody was making hats. Ugg was one of a handful of humans who literally looked into the situation.
Ugg was looking for rabies at the same time that he was looking for love.
Rabies was easier to find.
The urge to puch Ugg's face was if anything even stronger in the female than the male of the human species. The punches were disguised as slaps when they passed through feminine hands. The slightest advance that Ugg would make was intuitively interpreted as intolerably forward. A slap was considered the appropriate response. Every slap bought a side order of derision from all of those within earshot of the smack. It was almost as much fun to laugh and curse at Ugg as it was to punch him.
Ugg Too Much was an ugly, lonely, filthy inquisitive man child who was on his way out of this world like millions of others when he encountered Christine.
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