Ronaldandonaldmacdonald
By ice rivers
- 399 reads
I spent three of my formative years in a lunatic asylum that was known as a boy's dorm. Nowadays, those facilities are probably called Men's and Women's dorms or dorms for everybody regardless of gender identity.
They're not even called dorms any more but rather residences. Twenty first century 17 to 20 year olds are so much more sophisticated and disciplined than were we of the twentieth.
We didn't know what the hell we were doing.
Our dorms were divided into rooms, suites and floors.
Your roomate you got to know exceedingly well.
Your suitemates you got to know very well.
Floormates you got to know more or less.
Here's a story of two of my floor mates that NOBODY got to know as they were either in their room or going to class.
They were twins.
I'm tawkin' identical.
Apparently they loved their twinhood as they wore matching clothes every day and always tried to get into the same classes. They got the exact same flattops from the same barber every two weeks.
Their name, no shit, was/were the MacDonald twins; Ronald and Donald.
It was impossible to tell them apart and they loved it.
I always though they were one guy until one of their suitemates named Skip told me they were not only twins but roommates.
Skip also said that they had told him about differentiation based upon lazy eye. The lazy eyes were noticeable but not profound. One of 'em had a lazy left eye. The other guy had a lazy left eye.
Even if you gave enough of a shit to find out which one was which, you would have to look directly into their eyes and decide if one of the eyes was lazy and if so which eye was it; the left or the right.
Of course anytime you were unfortunate to confront either of them.the last thing you wanted to do was to look these/that freak/freaks in the eye/eyes.
Somebody came up with the idea that the only way to greet them with any degree of personal accuracy was to say "what's up donaldandronaldmacdonald". They/he seemed to like that greeting and became a little more visible, to everyone's discomfort, which they loved.
So we came up with a strategy that we figured might give them a little discomfort.
If there was situation that included three people with one ronaldandonalmacdonald, the two that weren't ronaldandonald always tried to get ronaldanddonaldmacdonald into a conversation.
"Hey Ronaldanddonalmacdonald, I hear you like to swim but you think the coach is an asshole"
"Yeah" said Ronaldandonald," he made us tread water in the deep end of the pool for a half an hour and called that a gym class"
To which the third party, who was also not ronaldordonalmacdonald, would shrug his shoulders and turn to the other non ronaldanddonald and say, " See that's a perfect example of what we were talking about."
This observation would flummox ronaldanddonaldmacdonald who assumed that the comment was a reference to a conversation that had included the other ronaldanddonaldmacdonal.
Whatever ronaldandonaldmacdonald replied would be greeted with the same palms up shrug and reply
only with a little added emphasis. "There you go again, that's a perfect goddamned example of EXACTLY what we were talking about.
It wasn't long before this pattern was picked up by everybody in the dorm who encountered ronaldanddonaldmacdonald.
It seemed to work as by the end of the semester they dropped the matching outfits idea.
For the first time they looked different but still nobody knew who the fuck was who although it was rumored that Donald wore cooler clothes than Ronald and they became not quite as reclusive as they began to believe that no matter which ronaldanddonaldmacdonald was in the previous conversation, everybody seemed to agree with him/them sorta.
Ronaldandonaldmacdonald was only around tor one semester.
A lot of "boys" disappeared suddenly in those days.
Drafted for Viet Nam.
The rumor was that donaldandronaldmacdonald got drafted and ronaldandonaldmacdonald went with him.
God knows what happened next.
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