By ice rivers
The hat was too big.
"Whoa, Leo's got a big head" I observed.
"Why don't you try Richard Gere's hat from Chicago. That one's on the back behind Leo's hat"
I pulled down the Chicago hat and tried it on for size. Gere's hat was too small.
" I think you're closer to Leo than to Richard, Ice. Gere wears a seven and a quarter. Leo wears a seven and five eighths. Figure you're about the size of George Clooney. I'm working on his hat right now"
When Lynn and I were waiting in his vestibule, Brown had been making a hat for George Clooney.
"George is a seven and a half" said the Hatter. "It's better to have a fit that's a little loose rather than a little tight. We call that 'headroom'.
Brown took out his measuring tape and wrapped it around my dome.
"Seven and a half, Ice. Same size as George."
I had my size. I had my style. Not bad for a guy coming in with zero hat vocabulary. Still, as I looked at the Aviator hat, something was wrong.
It was the hat band. The Doc Zilla brand was a darker brown.
Hatter grabbed a darker brown band, a 'chocolate' brown and wrapped it around the Aviator hat that I had on my head.
Thanks to Jack Daniels, I couldn't remember the last time I saw the Doc Zilla hat. I could remember a picture someone had taken of me the last time I wore the hat when I was trying to save the ozone and preserve the integrity of art with profanity while insulting everyone around me in a dazzling triple play of boorishness.
Not a pretty picture, except for the hat.
The picture was in black and white. I recalled a differentiation in the tone of black between the hat and the hatband. The hatband was definitely darker as was the one that Paul wrapped around the exact Avaitor hat. Still uncertain, I asked for a second and third opinion.
Both Lynn and Brown agreed that the combination looked great but the final decision was mine. I decided I would go for MY hat which was Doc Zilla's hat which because of the darker hat band wasn't EXACTLY Leonardo's hat which wasn't actually Leonardo's hat anyways but Howard Hughes's hat as played by Leo as envisioned by Martin Scorcese and his wardrobe director.
I am my own wardrobe director and I sure as hell am not Leonardo DiCaprio nor Howard Hughes nor Matin Scorcese.
As if reading my mind, Brown said "Leo's surprisingly tall"
"Do you know Leo?" I asked
"I fitted him for that hat you got on your head. I'll tell you something else, Leo's weird."
Stay tuned for the next episode.