Sore Thumb

I'm not the world's most photogenic guy neither am I the least. Like most of us, I'm somewhere in the middle. In most group pictures I kinda disappear. Every so often, I'll find myself in the top two or three in the group but usually I'm just another person, which is okay with me.

Matter of fact, I'm usually the guy taking the group pictures so most of the time, I'm not even in them which is better for me. When people insist that I get into the picture that I'm snapping, I tell them my eye is in the picture and the picture is  in my eye so I'm in the picture which usually suffices as an answer.

For these reasons, I've never been the sore thumb in a picture. There's always somebody who is but it hasn't been me. I've talked to other sore thumbs about their thumbiness and how they hate that picture so much and yet everywhere they look somebody is showing it. When I look at them in their hated picture, they don't look bad, they just don't quite look like themselves. They're caught in a blink on 3 situation. 

Well, my streak ended yesterday. I'm the sore thumb in this one. I wasn't quite ready for the snap. I have that "hurry up and snap" expression on my face, a combination of impatience, arrogance and insecurity. When you're the sore thumb in a picture, it's important to be in the forefront. In this picture, you can see several floating heads with grins. Rarely does a floating head become a sore thumb especially if the floating head has a grin and some decent teeth.

To be a formidable sore thumb, you have to get into a position that everybody will immediately notice. I didn't hink I was in that position until  I realized there were people sliding behind me. At the last possible second another candidate for sore thumb named Greta who thought she was escaping the lens was pulled into the picture before she had a chance to smile. Outside of this picture, Greta is a handsome woman. Her position is way off to the side and her expression can be explained by the obvious fact that she's just been yanked into the frame.

Everybody else in the picture is smling except for me and Greta.

I'm the only fool with a hat and the hat doesn't seem to fit. I've got my hands in my pocket which is never a good look and suggests ball scratching even though I wasn't really, I wasn't. Maybe I should have been, it might have altered my grotesque expression.

I look pissed off and as always when you're the thumb, unbelievably FAT. My eyes look messed up, partly because I'm not wearing my glasses which I usually wear during these kind of pictures and due to the humidity or the pollen or some other goddamned thing my eyes had been watering all day which makes them both swollen and small. Also, I'm standing next to my far more photogenic wife. This is another key to being the sore thumb. Get right in front, next to a photogenic person. The camera only has so much love and the photogenic person is gonna get most of it usually as the expense of whomever is standing next to her/him if they are even noticed. Most of the time when we see a picture of Marilyn Monroe, we don't even notice anyone else in the picture but when we do our response is often "an look at the goof standing next to her".

Another thing about being a major sore thumb has to do with how often the picture will be seen. Most of the time, it's a one and done situatio. In the case of this picture because people had come from many milesd away for the celebration, it's gonna be viewed hundreds of times and might even, God Forbid, become a canvas.

I have a friend of mine who got sore thumbed in a photo and it DID end up as a canvas. Every time she walks by the canvas (which of course is deispalyed in a very prominent place) she says "I hate that goddamned picture" which draws everybody's attention to the canvas to which they always say "You don't look that bad."

The funny part is, I remember sayng to myself as we were gathering for the shot "just relax" which I did. Next time you're in a situation like this Do NOT just relax. Look at the camera, smile on three, keep your eyes open and get back to the back row with the decapitated grinning heads to where you once belonged Jo Jo.