A Student of Helplessness

I've always been an advanced student when the subject is learned helplessness. I catch on quick. I'm good at letting somebody else do it.

Since my wife has taken over most of the decisions in my lifetime, my helplessness was already very advanced before Covid came along.

She cooks, I eat what she cooks. She's a great cook.

She shops and brings home the food that she's gonna cook that I'm gonna eat.

She takes care of the yard.

She drives. I sit shotgun.

She pays the bills and balances the checkbook every month.

I have a schedule and I stuck to my routine.

I have an allowance and I stay within it.

I have a mancave for sportswatching and privacy.

My children are all located hundreds of miles away and doing well in their lives.

I have completed Full Filler, my first published book.

I have a community pool for swimming.

I was so happy, so idle, so increasingly helpless that I began to feel guilt.

Then Covid showed up.

Fear began to replace guilt.

I could justify my ongoing lessons in learned helplessness.

I increased my couch time. Much easier to fall asleep in the afternoon than at night. This is why God created Ambien.

I increased my snacking time.

I reduced my exercise.

And I felt justified in doing so goddamned it, I'm fighting the Covid. I'm doing my best to save the life of everyone I know by becoming a recluse in my bunker and not letting the wreck loose in my community to infect and/or to be infected.

Helplessness found fertile soil to grow.

And grow I did...thirty pounds worth.

My wife cut my hair. She's a better cook than a barber so I looked in the mirror recently and discovered a pale fat, helpless slob with a lunatic haircut who just wanted to go up stairs, watch teevee, take naps and read, read, read until time to come down for dinner. Lots of reading about various Kennedys and novels by James Patterson topped off by a book by Patterson about the Kennedys We turned on the teevee after dinner, were astonished and horrified nightly by the absurd fandango known as the Trump presidency. We watched one murder show after another.

Aside from the horror show in the mirror and the carnage surrounding me, I loved my Covid life.

Even enjoyed the masks as I always wanted to be a masked man when I grew up based upon my love of the Lone Ranger.

I'm glad I didn't have to get too close to people. Six feet is fine. I love giving and gettinf the right of way when we walk. I enjoy waving at people.

Now it's all coming to an end.

I'm as helpless as I've ever been and I've earned it.

The next step is probably depression but I have a doctor for that.