Surfing to the Doctor
By ice rivers
I thought I was having a heart attack but I wasn't sure which arm was supposed to ache. So I switched to another channel and contemplated bursitis.
The tenderness in my right arm continued and made it impossible to concentrate on the possibility of interior ramps in the pyramids or whether or not Nefertiti was murdered by having her face bluntly indented or was it simply yet another case of the wrong tomb at the right time.
I remember how once upon a time a fake Indiana Jones thought he had found the pricelss petrified penis of the Peruvian prince but it turned out to be the calcified crap of the calico cat who crept into the crypt and crapped out. Just cause what we discover looks like one thing doesn't mean it can't be the other.
Tommy and Hank Aaron are two totally different talents. You can look that up in the record book.
Switch channel. Elvis and Richard Egan in Love Me Tender.
Then I thought maybe it was tendonitis.
Another channel. Where exactly is Avalon and why can't we find King Arthur?
Could it be arthritis?
Let's try another channel. Here comes Lulu singing to Sir with Love. Maybe it's psoriasis with heartbreak around the corner. Heartbreak or heart attack hmmmm. Some folks say that hatred is the only thing that lasts forever but heartbreak is right up there with it. Heartbreak has its own hotel. Hearbreak don't kill ya. Some say it makes ya stronger if you can "get over it". Or even more insultingly "just" get over it. Kinda like "just" relax.
I hate the word "just". Such a minimizer. So I turned off the tube. I sunk my elbow into the pillow on the couch. I rested my cheek in the palm of my hand. I tried to relax. The right arm prevented that. I reached for a couple tabs of Ambien. I waited as midnight became another day. I decided maybe I'll go to the doctor. I like legal drugs as much as the next guy or gal.
Beatrice scored the Ambien. She's responsible. She a woman. She believes in maintenaance. I'm a guy. I believe in destiny. Destiny is all about habit. Habit can be deconstructed. Between the big things that we can't do and the little things we choose not to do lurks the temptation of doing nothing at all. Doing nothing is against umpirical wisdom. I decided to take my own advice. I made a vow to go to the doctor.