Thumbs Up on Sunday
By ice rivers
- 3290 reads
Okay, I got this. It took awhile but I got it.
Last Sunday I left the teevee off while the national anthem was playing. I went into the kitchen and began by locking my arms together in unity with the NFL, myself, Tom Brady and I guess Trump. Normally when I fold my arms, I have my right hand on my left bicep and my left hand under my right bicep. Today in honor of awkwardness and OCD awareness, I reversed that position.
Now I knew how the other folks lived.
Next I dropped to one knee, in honor of Kaepernick and everything that he was protesting and in recognition of Tim Tebow and the values that he projected. Then I dropped to two knees in remembrance of my altar boy days in gratitude that I don't have any of those sexual abuse experiences that I can remember. While on both knees, I said a quick Our Father in honor of the patriarchy that is the NFL. I threw in a Hail Mary just in case the Bills needed one. I bowed my head made a sign of the cross and whispered "offense. defense. special teams, coaching". I raised my head and said aloud "Go Bills".
Then I went to stand up and realized there was no way that I could get up: an homage to being overweight, out of shape with bad knees, shattered sense of balance, bad hipped Baby Boomer.
I dropped to all fours in honor of dogs everywhere and did a reverse evolutionary crawl as I headed Towards and into the water instead of out of and away from it.
I reached the base of the kitchen sink. I threw one arm up towards the granite countertop. With my arm upraised, I made a fist in honor of black power and then I gave a peace sign in honor of John Lennon. Then I put my other hand up making at one and the same time the gesture for "touchdown" and the "I am powerless sign" in recognition of everybody suffering from an addiction.
I grasped the counter top and pulled myself up in tribute to the concept that "we will rise" as well as the Horatio Alger vision of "pluck not luck". I stood on my own two feet in homage to the Revolutionary War.
I tapped a glass of water from the kitchen sink and poured it over my head as a form of baptism as well as a reminder of whatever we were pouring water over our heads for a few years past.
I dried my hair in reminiscence of the "wethead is dead" commercials that were prevalent during NFL telecasts before erectile dysfunction took over.
I went into the great room/living room/living great room with our vaulted ceiling and open concept. I said a quick "welcome home" to our veterans of foreign war
I hit the remote.
Thank God the anthem was over.
The game was on.
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Comments
yep. when everything is a
yep. when everything is a sign, you don't know where to look.
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That has cheered me up,
That has cheered me up, ridiculous and very funny!
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Really made me laugh,
Really made me laugh, especially the bit about going down on all fours in honor of dogs, been in that situation many times, not being able to get up of course.
Jenny.
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Very, very
funny, Mr R. A sense of humour should be in everyone's survival pack, I think.
best
Ewan
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You've got it all covered
You've got it all covered here...so intelligently humorous and so very much what the world needs now. Intelligence and humor.
Loved it!
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