Tommy Tron Enters at Level 7

A few years ago I met a guy who claimed to be a zoologist. Neither he nor I was drunk at the time. I feigned interest in his claim. He misinterpreted my expression, thought I was interested, and decided to tell me a story. I immediately knew this would be a waste of time.

He told me how he had studied zebras for many years.

I thought what a waste of time.

I started to wish I was drunk or that he was.

He told me that he had concentrated his study on the question of whether or not a zebra was white with black stripes or black with white stripes.

Once again I thought, wow what a waste of time.

Then he told me that he had a conclusive answer to that question based on genetic and mathematic evidence.

I began to somewhat pay attention as I figured that perhaps someday, if I had a definite answer and I was drunk enough or if I was sober talking to someone who was drunk enough or if we were both drunk enough or somehow or other a technology would be invented which would enable people to share information that was pretty much a waste of time but every once in a while yielded something of undeniable value with hundreds of friends simultaneously; well then it might be good to file the answer away so I wouldn’t have to take time wasting to a whole other level.

Level One: The conversation with the guy in the first place.
Level Two: His study of zebras.
Level Three: The question of whether a zebra was white with black stripes or black with white stripes.

Well, he told me the answer and backed it up with solid theory/facts and linked his study of zebras to his understanding and appreciation for every living thing. He related the information with spirit and good humor. He turned the black/white question into a metaphor, which perfectly illustrated and illuminated yin and yang.

In so doing, he defused levels one two and three.

I was astonished and enlightened by his answer.

I decided I would pass the information on as soon as the technology was invented and I had spent some time grasping its use and gathering friends with whom drunkenness was not needed to convey information.

Unfortunately, I forgot his answer and in the interim, I have spent hours trying to figure it out.

Welcome to levels four and five and six.

The phone rang.

Tommy Tron

Tron asked "Whatchoo doon"

Due to his own idiosyncratic nature, Tommy Tron was not someone who would be judgemental if I told him that for the past couple of hours I've been writing about zebras, thinking about a party and wondering about zebra stripes.

So I told him.

Then I asked him.

He remembered the party.

He remembered the conversation.He recalled the fake zoologist.

This what he said the zoologist guy said.

"It was previously believed that zebras were white animals with black stripes, since some zebras have white underbellies. Embryological evidence, however, shows that the animal's background color is black and the white stripes and bellies are additions. It is likely that the stripes are caused by a combination of factors."

I went to level 8 which I gathered was approximately where Tom was on the night of the party.

"Jeezuz Tom what else do you remember?"

"I remember the guy's name and I know you're gonna recognize the name and remember the guy, if not the conversation with the guy."

I waited for a second for Tron to fill in another blank.

"It was that guy Guy"

"Yes, I do remember that guy Guy. I used to call him Guy guy guy."

"Well," Tom said the Guy guy went bye bye. He quit zoology when he discovered that it was he who was being studied not the animals. He dropped out of school, skipped town and became a magician. At least that's what I heard from another guy."

We continued our conversation for a few more anticlimactic minutes and said goodbye.

If I ever see a magician dressed as a zebra, I'm going immediately to level nine at which time, you've gone about as far as you can go.