By ice rivers
Hello friends. It's nice to be back.
I've been stealing mirrors and seeing men about horses for the last 10 days.
I subscribe to the Vonnegutian concept that a mirror is a leak to another, parallel universe. The image that we see when we look into a mirror is the image of ourselves in another realm which is momentarily in synch with our own. We just show up at the same time and take a gander at each other.
Thus a mirror is a leak into another world.
So whenever someone says "I've got to take a leak" what they are literally saying is "I've got to steal a mirror"
I've stolen so many mirrors in the last ten days that even my image in the parallel universe is freaking out and looks very tired.
I don't know exactly what's causing the guy in the mirror to show up 50 or 60 times a day but "I" know why I'm there.
I'm stealing mirrors as an after effect of the radiation treatment that I have been receiving for the past sixteen days.
I knew beforehand that one of the after effects of radiation is increased, urgent urination. Still you never really know about an after effect until after it affects you.
I haven't slept now in five days because of the "urgency". I go to bed. I'm there for ten minutes then I have to steal a mirror. I come back to the bed and the urgency comes back with me. I tell the urgency "look I know you're just some spasmic bladder because I just stole a mirror and there's no way I need to steal another one so soon." Then the urgency goes away for maybe 10 minutres at which time I try to catch a few winks because I know the urgency will be back and that will wake me up.
10 minutes later, the urgency is back.
10 minutes after that I'm stealing another mirror.
And then the whole thing starts all over again.
This goes on all day and all of the night.
I remember what it used to be like 20 days prior and what I took for granted.
A few times a day I'd get that urgency but the vast majority of the day and the night, the urgency disappeared. I thought nothing of it. We get used to normal until it disappears and then we crave it like we crave yesterday.
But yesterday's gone.
The after effect flips the script. Instead of non urgency leading to a mirror steal seven or eight times a day now the urgency is continual with 60 or 70 mirror steals within every twenty four hours.
Yesterday, my doctor prescribed some new medication.
I won't even tell you all the rare and catastrophic effects of the prescription, they are too humiliating and horrifying to even think about. My pharmacist tells me that they have to put those warnings on the label if it comes to their knowledge that any one at any time had ever come up with the particular after effect. If someone has, then it must be included on the label. This is supposed to be comforting information.
Don't worry about the after effects because they are rare but if you start getting one or more contact your doctor immediately.
The new medicine is supposed to reduce the urgency and thus reduce the mirror stealing. However, for some people it has a paradoxical effect which not only reduces the urgency but also makes urination impossible. If that's the case, contact your doctor immediately becasuse you will need to be catheterized.
I really don't want that.
As of this instant, the urgency has lessened.
That is why I can stop back here and say hello.
But now I'm kinda worried about my flow.
I want no more after effects, that, my friends is for goddamn sure
Not cured from what I'm suffering with but suffering from the cure.