Zap Edwards

Zap Edwards was a weatherman whom we didn't need based on the way the wind was blowing in Corpus Cristi. We Cristians been here before many times. We can evacuate with the best of 'em and we don't need Zap to tell us when or whereto. 

She began as one of a countless number of tropical waves, not yet a woman or a girl. She hit warm water and commenced to rise. Storm clouds began to gather as wind speeds increased.

Anemometers caught her in the act. She needed a name. She would be a woman. She would be Marge. She would be large and in charge.

Marge hurtled through the Gulf of Mexico. With every passing moment; every bong hit of warm water, Marge became more and more self-realized. She was headed to the coastline and then depending upon her mood at the moment, she would determine her path of destruction.

The national news recognized the stirring of a new storm star. Ratings would jump along with the ragings.

Compromised infrastructure CHECK. Defoliation CHECK. Flooding CHECK. Loss of life CHECK. Lone Star stories of survival CHECK. Heartbreak CHECK. Obstinancy CHECK. Eyeballs on teevee CHECK. Mass evacuation CHECK. Obstinancy CHECK. Flash fires CHECK. 

Marge was on the rampage.

Spread the word.

Marge would demand Cristian sacrifice.

In her calm and calculating eye, Marge envisioned Corpus Cristi.

Perfect.

Zap had been waitng for this opportunity his entire on-air life. Zap was from upstate New York and he knew that Corpus Cristi was the Chicago of the South...the real Windy City judging by the number of hurricanes that had blasted the region over the last hundred years.

Zap knew before most everyone else that Marge was on her way. He knew that Marge was destined to ache like a woman and break like a little girl...a ferocius little girl...a gigantic little girl...a little girl who loved to break her toys. Zap wanted to be center stage when Marge, large and in charge hit Corpus Cristi. He's be the guy that David Muir, he of the perfect hair, would be speaking to as Marge blew into and up the town. Zap knew he was headed for national exposure and the bigger Marge blew, the bigger Zap's chances of breaking through into the big time. 

We kinda liked Zap even though we could tell he was a New Yorker. He had that neurotic thing about him that we found kind of amusing plus it was clear to see that he wanted to get the hell outta here and it wouldn't be long until he was snatched up North. He had them jumpin' beans in his jeans.

Zap thought he knew somethin' that we didn't know. He thought we didn't suspect that Marge or whatever the hell they called it was on its way. We could feel her hummin' in the air at night. We knew that soon we were all gonna be holdin' on or headin' out.

Should we stay or should we go.

Yeah, clash for sure.

Some of us figured that it would be another Gilbert.

Zap hoped to hell it wouldn't be.

Anything but Gilbert.

We were all just gonna have to wait and see.

Stay tuned