A Glass Winter 12

The room was light like honey, everyone was more beautiful than they deserved that day. He walked into a room unprepared for whatever battles would come, how could he ever have anticipated the sharks and vipers in his path. How could any of us. A fresh sweet graduate with all his skills would still have to fight for his place amongst the lions. He wandered between the stalls, like an aborigine forced to find his place in the tribe. And there, amongst the faces of all the firms he would pay any limb to be considered by, he saw an expression that condoned uncertainty. A friendly smile that dissembled him to complete childishness and drew him into a net of capital growth.

Such an otherworldly attraction was not to be ignored. The creaky table between them was an almost insufferable barrier, why could not the rules of life allow him to meet such a force face to face, skin to skin. Close faces and tensions were pulling him apart, none more than this unknowable man. His perfect form was constricted by a perfect suit, but his comfort in it spoke to something caged; as a lion so used to confinement still brings its wild power to the bars of the zoo.

And what’s your name? he asked

Who has been commanded so, nothing so solid had dragged him down a path than this stoic mans voice.

Mathew, he asked rather than said.

Looking to join our scheme? They’re always looking for talent, isn’t everyone. Maybe we’ll have to fight for you.

A cool face of indifference stood at complete odds to the raging monster within him, only that fact of being noticed made him giddy with joy. Career and lust were never decently associated, but he couldn’t help his attraction to this suited morbid man. If only to follow some universal sign, it was clear, this was the right direction. 

And yet, no other offer could detract from the beauty of that man, his suit, his smile, his warmth. What he wouldn’t do to spend only a little more time in his presence. There was no price he would not pay. His soul, his life, his heart.

They ran in rings for years, planets flung in and out of reach by the lords of gravity. Whether it was so clear that a passer-by could properly diagnose his affliction, or so obscure that he was spinning increasingly wild and unlikely fantasies, ones that would drive a drill of silent despair deeper into his skull with each passing day. At any rate, no lucid choices were made, his body followed a feeling completely at odds with reason, and nothing would dissuade him from hope. Had he known that Theo was unhappy then, searching for meaning, or had he only seen his own longing reflected in those kindly eyes.  

Don’t send me away, he begged. Any distance between them was too great, no wall was too strong to be breached; whether by time or sheer will and passionate blows. Was a look lingering a moment too long a sign of something more? Or was he so completely folded into a story only he knew?