Blackbeard’s nephew Colin Finch
Had never set sail aboard a ship,
Had never felt the salt sea wind in his hair
But lived in Luton with his girl friend Clare.
He worked in a Supermarket part time
And brewed his own Beer as not a fan of wine;
Whilst Blackbeard pillaged the Spanish Maine
Colin preferred to fly to Spain on a plane.
They never met but the occasional card
Would find its way to continents far
So when it was time for the knot to be tied
Colin and Clare had a lovely surprise.
There at the Church as the Bride walked in
To the sound of the rising organ din
Small fireworks began to fly from the face
Of Blackbeard himself who’d snuck into the place.
Colin’s mum who’d gone quite red
Was chuffed to see her brother Ted
And soon the wedding was commenced
And Colin and Clare at last were wed.
As the bride and groom danced the first dance
To the sound of Chris de Burgh murdering romance
Blackbeard thought of his girl friend Tess
And how she’d look in a pretty red dress.
Years have passed and Blackbeard’s been hung
For his Piracy exploits and other such fun
Whilst Colin and Clare have moved to Southend
That’s on the Coast, well, the end of the Thames.