The Toshers

The Toshers

As usual, Alec was the first down. He was young and keen and much fitter and more agile than the other three. He unclipped himself from the winch cable and shouted the all clear back up to the surface. The stench caught in the back of his throat as he watched the steel cable recoil towards the light. He still hadn't got used to the smell down here, even after three months on the job, so he tried breathing through his open mouth until his senses could adjust. A relentless current of toxic liquid brushed his yellow booted ankles and disappeared into the unknown. Alec pulled the hood of his waterproof suit over his safety helmet, switched on his powerful lamp and waited.

 

The twins Denis and Dave were next down, followed finally by the senior member of the team Ted Johnson. This was how every shift began for this tightly knit gang, Gang17 as they were known on the rota, or 'the toshers' as they jokingly called themselves. Toshers were nineteenth century gangs of vagrants who roamed the sewers searching for anything of value amongst the effluent, but Gang17 roamed the sewers to clear blockages and carry out repair work to the eighty or so miles of Victorian brick built tunnels; an extraordinary nineteenth century feat of engineering prowess.

'Right young Alec, you're with me down to section eleven,' growled Ted, 'and the twins can check down to section fourteen. We'll meet up back here in a couple of hours.'

'It'll take more than a couple of hours Ted, what's the hurry?' chuntered Dave Ibbotson. 'Denis and me like to take our time and do a proper job.'

'Two hours is what I said, and two hours is what you've got so crack on and don't forget what I keep telling you.'

'Yes, we know, keep our radios switched on and don't take any shit from anybody.'

The group laughed at their usual joke and set off in two separate
directions into the unknown. Alec's powerful lamp led the way as they waded slowly against a strong ankle deep current of liquid human detritus. His senses had finally adjusted to the worst of the stench and he and Ted made slow, but steady progress along this strangely majestic brick-lined boulevard.

From behind him, the light from Ted's lamp shone past Alec and danced around the walls of their brick tomb, creating a haunting
accompaniment to the constant sound of rushing effluent. Alec took comfort from being paired with Ted, because Ted knew all there was to know about this obnoxious underworld. Ted had been a tosher for forty years and had tales to tell that would make your toes curl. Nothing could go wrong if you were with Ted.

After half a mile of trouble free progress, their tunnel divided into two separate, but parallel, passage ways. Alec stopped and waited for Ted, suddenly overcome by apprehension and a distinct feeling of unease.

'Right lad, you take the low road and I'll take the high road and I'll meet you at the other end. If you find anything that needs attention or you come across one of the crocodiles, call me on the radio.'

Alec's unease quickly turned into visible discomfort at this, as he'd never yet worked down here entirely on his own and was terrified of crocodiles, even if Ted was just trying to scare him.

'Don't look so worried lad, these two run separately for about five hundred yards before they reconverge. I'll meet you at the other end in about fifteen minutes.'

Without allowing time for any discussion about crocodiles, Ted evaporated into the liquid murk. Alec's heart rate increased as he began his solo trek into the unknown, so he began humming reassuring nonsense to himself as he waded slowly against the ankle deep toxic tsunami.

As he rounded a gentle sweeping curve, he slowly realised that the ever present gloom was gradually being transformed into soft blue light some distance ahead of him. Alec froze and fumbled for the radio clipped to his belt.

'Ted, this is Alec, there's something really weird down here.'

He stared at his radio and waited anxiously for a response. 'Ted,
this is Alec, are you receiving? Ted it's going blue and I'm getting
really scared, where are you?'

After what seemed like forever, a soft gentle voice broke the silence, but it didn't come from the radio.

'He won't hear you young man, not when you are in the presence of the orbs.'

As if from nowhere, Alec found himself surrounded by four figures
dressed in tattered rags, each holding a melon sized orb emitting
soft blue light and each one very, very old. Alec was so startled
that he dropped his radio into the torrent between his feet and
watched helplessly as it disappeared rapidly downstream.

'What's going on? Who the hell are you? Alec cried.

'We are just toshers Alec, just like you. There is no need to be afraid; come with us to Bazalgette and all will be revealed.'

The blue light from the orbs was strangely calming and Alec suddenly felt his heart rate slow and his panic gently leak away. As the four figures turned, Alec didn't hesitate to follow. Upstream they waded, until suddenly the leading figure stopped and reached across to the tunnel wall, pulled away a loose brick and pulled a concealed lever.
To Alec's amazement, part of the tunnel wall opened and the five
toshers calmly entered the kingdom of Bazalgette.

And what a kingdom it was, an endless progression of large cave like areas disappearing into the distance as far as the eye could see. The walls of each large area had chiselled terraces cut into them to create endless shelves and every single inch of space was occupied by things. Things ordinary and things strange and things completely bizarre. There were bones animal and bones human. There were wheels and hats and pots and pans and umbrellas and wallets and below each terrace was a label with a date written on it. The terrace nearest the door was labelled 1875.

As the strange group led Alec deeper into the labyrinth, the shelf dates progressed into the twentieth century and the things contained upon them grew ever more recognisable. There were knives and pistols and unexploded bombs and tin helmets and parts from radios and parts from vehicles and a whole wall of gas masks. There were transistor radios and record players and even desk top computers. As a tosher, Alec knew exactly what he was looking at; the contents of a giant hundred and fifty year old waste disposal unit.

The blue orb carriers suddenly stopped and turned to Alec.

'This is Bazalgette Alec and this is what we are and what we do. Twenty four hours a day, without eating or sleeping, we roam these tunnels collecting these things, as we did before the orbs. We were making a good living down here in 1875 when one day we four came across the blue orbs. We picked them up and they took over our lives. We are controlled by them and we are nourished by them and we have no idea where they came from or what they are. They are us and we are them.'

'But that means that you must all be more than a hundred and fifty years old,' gasped Alec.

'We don't experience time, or pain or hunger any more Alec, we are just toshers, doing what toshers always have done.'

'But what will you do with all this stuff, why don't you sell it like you used to?'

'Because the blue orbs provide everything we need Alec. We simply collect and store.'

At this, and without further word, the group turned and led Alec towards a solid stone wall. As they approached, a doorway suddenly appeared and the four ancient toshers stood to one side.

'This doorway will put you back with your friend Ted. We have known Ted for many years and we have protected him from harm. Here is the item that you dropped when we met and once away from the orbs it will function again. Hurry, Ted is calling for you.'

Alec stepped out into the flowing channel and immediately saw Ted up ahead calling out anxiously on his radio. As he waded upstream Ted turned and saw his young apprentice.

'Where the bloody hell have you been Alec, I've been calling you for ages, why didn't you reply?'

'You'll never believe this Ted, but I've just been shown around a place called Bazalgette by ancient toshers.'

Ted stared at Alec for some time and then smiled.

'Have you checked your methane meter recently young man, like you're supposed to?

Alec unclipped the meter from his belt and peered at the gauge. The reading was in the danger zone and the warning light was flashing.

'How many bloody times must you be told. Working in an environment like this is dangerous. You've been hallucinating, that's what the gas does to you.'

'But Ted, I saw blue lights and met old guys who've been down here since
1875.'

Ted's radio suddenly burst into life.

'Have you found him yet Ted. There's no sign of him at our end?'

'It's OK Denis, I've found him. He was being shown around Bazalgette by hundred and fifty year old toshers.'

The sound of raucous laughter streamed out of Ted's radio.