Chastity Bent

Hundreds of little and some large islands were moving towards them, the smooth drifting ice pack, and collectively it was blocking Dolores Costello’s route, as Littlewood had been predicting.  Some were 15 metres wide at least.  The Captain was up on the bow rails with his binoculars, scouring the dispersion before him for an open slot they could pass through.  This was as far as he’d ever been hemispherically and the sea looked like ice white Hell.  A couple of salmon shot up from the freezing water out front and they seemed to glance back at him, cheekily, as if they were saying, Ha! Fool! You didn’t expect to see us out here having fun, did you?  Why don’t you try catching us, you gobshite!

Stinson approached him and struck up conversation: ‘I wouldn’t enjoy being stranded out here alone at all.’

‘Nor would anyone – I guarantee you that, Father,’ replied the Captain.  ‘I have found myself in such a way in the past, but never this far ways.  And even then, I had halfway to a skeleton crew.’

‘And how do we shape up?  Are we sufficient enough crew for you, Captain?’

‘Well, I can’t have the whole skeleton, I suppose.  So I’ll take a sprig, if indeed it must be that.  And to be sure, the comradeship helps.’

‘Yes – it always helps, I feel.  Comrades, companions.  In all quarters of life.  Knowing there is support there.  That we are all in it together.  You too are an honorary servant of God now by assisting us in spreading His word.  And we in turn could be seen as honorary seafarers?’

‘Well, let’s not get hysterical.  But yous have done adequately so far, I should say.’

Stinson lowered his voice and said: ‘I haven’t asked you, Captain – and I hope you don’t mind if I do – but...do you have a life companion?  A spouse?’

‘I don’t – no.  I was engaged for a few years, but she broke it off with me not long ago.  Ran off with a Garda.  That’s life.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘No bother.  Thanks.  You know, I’ve been celibate like you folks for ages now.  But I made a pledge to no-one.’

‘Me too.  A pledge to no-one.’

‘Come on...to God, you pledged.  I’ll tell ya...down there, I’m as close to being your brother as I’ll ever be, perhaps.’  Littlewood chuckled to himself.  ‘All around me, it’s always wet as can be...yet down there...I’m dry as a desert.  I don’t know how yous do it, Father.’

‘It’s easy for some of us, but it’s a troubled road for others.’

‘I’ve heard stories to back that up.  But I won’t insult you by retelling them.’

‘I know, I know.  It’s all for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, Captain.  For some of us, as I said.  I vowed not to marry, to be sure.  But beyond that, even if I had not chosen this life with God, I would still say no to it all.’

‘I’m not sure I believe that, Father Stinson.’

‘Believe.  It’s a strange thing.  I cannot say I have not had urges.  But I put those urges down to basic physiological impulses.  Things natural, biological, but things which I have never yearned for, and have over the years come to deal with in a disciplined manner.’

‘Sex refuses to be disciplined, my friend.’

‘Only if never wantonly governed.’

Littlewood drew back his binoculars: ‘So you want not to have sex?  And there was me thinking you were just following God’s orders.’

‘It’s hard to explain.  I’m not even sure if I can explain it myself.  I feel I might be deformed sexually.  But now I think in a good way.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a little bit deformed.  I have no sexual desire at all these days.  Of any variety.  I’ve come to realise maybe I never had it.  That said, I have also come to feel recently that sexuality, though not within my own purview, can be conterminous with this personal lack of interest.  I can admire the sexual act now, I think.  I might not desire it, but I can assert that I find it fascinating.’

‘Well, good for you, Father.  Fascinating, it is.  But...I’m still unclear... you said you don’t think you’ve ever been sexual, but...can I remind you of those urges you spoke of?’

‘You can.’

‘What was it gave you the urge back in the day?  When you were a pup.  Before you dedicated yourself to the Kingdom of Heaven.’

‘Titties,’ replied Stinson.

‘Titties?’

‘Yes, I’m not afraid to say the word anymore.’

‘And you don’t think of them anymore.’

‘I think of them.  I know they are there.  But I am not as curious as I once was.’

Littlewood gasped, then raised the binoculars again, and said: ‘Well, I’m impressed.’

‘I was tested recently,’ continued Stinson.  ‘On the first day we met Katrine and Walter, she asked me to look at her chest.  At her titties.  And I had no interest.’

Littlewood, now open-mouthed: ‘She asked you to look at her chest?’

‘She was discussing her... ... her deformity.’

‘Deformity?  Her too?  Are you all deformed on this boat?’

‘I really can’t say, Captain.  Who knows?  But, yes, Katrine has a deformity of the chest....but please...do not tell her I told you.’ 

Littlewood near dropped his binoculars into the sea, but luckily the cord strap was strong enough to catch on his wrist.  ‘On the chest?  Deformed?’

‘Yes.’

As he watched the shock and curiosity wash over the Captain’s face, the angel-faced priest had a sudden, or maybe it wasn’t so sudden, urge to share more than what he had so far shared.  Something of the devil had gotten inside him.  Returning to the topic of chastity, he revealed then to Captain Littlewood what he had witnessed in the alleyway behind Dagny’s on that last night in Torshavn, that rendezvous between the unexpectedly-chested Danish girl and a priest of both their acquaintances. 

Stinson didn’t feel like a devil at all after saying it. 

In fact, he felt more virtuous. 

More chaste. 

More chosen, even.

Littlewood’s binocular strap didn’t help this time.  Off it went into the sea; and more salmon leapt up to heckle.