The Single Most Romantic Radio Transmission of 1989
By sean mcnulty
- 489 reads
De tent is pitched by nine and we’re inside wit de radio on getting through a dozen or so packs of Monster Munch – dat’s Dixon, McGurk and meself. We got de tent up in McGurk’s back garden and every now and again his fadder walks past de tent outside and says, All good in dere, and we say, Yes, Mr. McGurk, all’s good. Dis is only de second time I’ve ever camped in me life. De first time I got bored and was at home before ten. Tonight I’ve sworn ta go de distance.
We’re waiting for a radio show to start. FM Amore. I’ve never heard it before but de boys are always talking about it. It’s a popular show in de town. De most popular, I tink. Whut ya do is ya call in and make a dedication to de one ya fancy and normally ya’d choose a song to go wit it. I’ve heard some people getting der dedications in without a song. To us, dose are de lazy bastids and probly won’t be getting der legs over annytime soon. Dere’s plenty of songs to choose from dese days. Ye cud pick Cher or Simply Red or Natalie Cole or Richard Marx or The Bangles or Guns N’Roses. De ting is, dey have to be romantic.
I don’t know much about music but I bin listenin to me parents’ records whenever der not dere and am startin to like some bands. Mostly De Beatles. I like dose ones. Sgt. Pepper. But de record scratches da fuck during dat Indian song, which is annoying. Still like it though. Recently, I put one on belongin ta me fadder and it was very weerd but I don’t know I might listen to it again. It was a groop called Joy Division and dere was a dead body on de front cover. De singer sounded like he was de dead body. Or like yer man from R.E.M if he was less American. I will listen to it again but I definitely won’t be dedicating dat to annyone on FM Amore.
--I’m gonna call in a song fur Talulah Kirk, says Dixon.
--Will she be listenin to FM Amore though? I ask.
--Of course, he says. Dey’re all listenin. All de gerls.
--Whut song are ye goin ta play fur her? asks McGurk.
--Dat’s a secret.
--It’s not a secret if ya have it played on de radio!
--It’s a secret until den. I don’t wunt yooz givin me grief about it. It’s a special song for me and Talulah alone. Yiz can say all yiz wunt after.
--Ye shud play her Garth Brooks, says McGurk. Dat’s wut I’d play.
McGurk lives in Father Murray Park near de train tracks. I’ve always wanted to live dere because I like de sound of de trains walloping by. Some people say it must be awful to live dere wit all dat noise, but I don’t. I tink it must be very relaxin, de sound of it. Dere’s a phonebox on de Castletown Road near McGurk’s house so we get out of de tent fur a bit and walk around to it so dat Dixon can make his phonecall to de radio station.
--Do ye have money fur de call? I ask. I hear its expensive.
--I have. I brought sum specially.
When we get to de phonebox, Dixon shoos us away. Normally we’d all go into de phonebox togedder if we wur makin joke phonecalls. But ye can see he wunts ta do it by himself. McGurk and me stand outside and watch Dixon as he puts his coins into de phone and dials de number of FM Amore which he has written down on cardboard from a cereal box. We notice a change in Dixon as he’s making de phonecall dat we haven’t seen in him before. The way he’s standing dere in de phonebox, ye’d tink he was an adult making a call. Very serious.
Back in de tent, we have to wait about an hour or so before annyting happens and sit through a rake of crappy songs from de likes of Phil Collins and Gloria Estefan and Bon Jovi. Well, McGurk and Dixon seem to like dem. I don’t. I’m more interested in listening to de last train to Belfast as it clatters up de track. Sounds better dan Bon Jovi.
And now on FM Amore, another dedication. This one comes from Dix in Marian Park and it’s going out to the lovely Talulah Kirk. Talulah, Dix says you’re a top girl, and he wants to spend the rest of his life in your arms. Aw, isn’t that sweet-sweet-sweet. So this is for the lovely Talulah Kirk. From Dix in Marian Park. Take it away, Samantha Fox with Naughty Girls (Need Love Too).
We laugh first when he hear de name Dix from Marian Park said on de radio. But den wur laughing when Samantha Fox plays because de song is just too fast and not very romantic-sounding at all.
--Dat’s not very romantic, Dixon, says McGurk. Shur she’s rappin’ on it.
--Ah, fuck away off. Listen to de lyrics.
--Yer supposed to request sometin yiz can slow dance to.
--Talulah Kirk doesn’t want to slow dance, believe you me.
--Talulah will tink yer more into Samantha Fox dan her. Samantha’s got massive diddies. Talulah’s aren’t as big as dat.
Dixon opens anudder pack of Monster Munch and sits up against de back of de tent all rolled up comfy in his sleeping bag.
--Yooz just wait and see, he says. All ye have to do is make de first move. A major ting happened in de world tonight. Nuttin will ever be de same again.
He’s a header. But I have to admire Dixon for his balls. I cud never call up FM Amore and dedicate a song to a gerl. I’ll be honest and say I wudn’t know just what to play. I’ll slag Dixon fur Samantha Fox but de truth is I’m tinkin Talulah Kirk really is in her home right now luking up at de stars and dreamin of her secret admirer while singing along to Samantha Fox.
I just don’t know much about songs. And gerls.
But you never know.
Maybe dere’s a gerl out dere who wudn’t mind having songs sung by dead bodies dedicated to her. Dat gerl might just be out dere. Tinkin de same as me. Dat all dese songs are crap and even a dead body wud be better.
I open anudder pack of Monster Munch meself as Jason Donovan’s Too Many Broken Hearts starts and McGurk is singing along. He tinks he luks like Jason Donovan.
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Comments
Ha, ha! Brilliant story. Just
Ha, ha! Brilliant story. Just love the accent.
Jenny.
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Yes Sean. Another brilliant
Yes Sean. Another brilliant story. This one full of longing.
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Brilliant story with a slight
Brilliant story with a slight cringe of 80s nostalgia - Richard Marx...I'm sure I knew a girl once who had a crush / snogathon issue with a boy who listened and pined to Right Here Waiting For You more times than would normally be considered healthy when he moved away. I hope she's ok and over that period now. :)
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Knew a girl? Asking for a
Knew a girl? Asking for a friend, are we? :)
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