Steever Man

And so the question then becomes:

 

SULLIVAN:  What to do now?

Elder knelt down and touched Moloney’s neck.

ELDER:  Well, he’s still breathing, the wretch. 

MACKENNA:  I think we need to get the guards in now to deal with all of this.

ELDER:  At this hour?  In that weather?  They wouldn’t trouble their hairy holes.  We’ll have to wait until the dawn before deciding what to do.  But I am not of the mind to have him waking up and coming after us all again so we should bound him nice and tight.  Brennan, go down and get some rope, will you. 

MR BRENNAN: I don’t know where you keep the rope.

ELDER: I thought if anyone knew where the rope was, it would be you

MACKENNA: Ah, come on, there’s no need for that.

MR BRENNAN: I don’t even know what he means.

ELDER: It’s in the kitchen.  In the bitsbobsdrawer.  Sullivan, what are you doing over there?

Sullivan was standing over the bog man, leaning in and staring at him.

SULLIVAN:  Just having a look. 

MR BRENNAN:  How much rope?

ELDER: Bring it all.  We’ll strap him down on that chair over there.

MR BRENNAN:  Alright but...do you think that’s wise?  It’s not very humane.

ELDER:  Aren’t you the one who’s after battering him cold?  If there is a quisling among us, my bet’s on you, Brennan.  If it’s not plain dumb you’re being, it’s plain against us you are. 

Mumbling outside the door.  Others had gathered outside the loft to find out what was going on.

ELDER: Brennan, make sure to close that door behind you.  I don’t want anyone else coming up here.

MR BRENNAN:  Will I bring the toaster down with me?

ELDER:  Balls to your toaster, Brennan.  Just get the rope. 

MR BRENNAN:  Well, I’ll bring it down anyway...just in case.

SULLIVAN: Just in case what?

MR BRENNAN: I don’t in all honesty know. 

Mr Brennan left, toaster as well.

MACKENNA: If what you’re worried about is the guards finding the Long Gully Man...

ELDER: Steever!

MACKENNA:  Sorry, the guards don’t have to know about the Steever Man at all.  They’ll only be interested in the madman with the gun and do you think they’d believe him if he told them.  He’s right round his personal bend.

SULLIVAN: He’s out of his pumpkin.  Pirouetteing with pookas.  Spinning with the spacers. 

MACKENNA: Anyway---I thought you said we would contact the authorities eventually.  It’s only a matter of time before that’s an absolute requirement.  It doesn’t seem like we’re getting anywhere in our attempts to resuscitate him.  If there’s a presence of some sort in the house, it’s probably some other residuary spirit having a jolly laugh at us all right now.  The Steever Man’s dead about as long as Julius Caesar, remember.

SULLIVAN: Probably went the same way too.

MACKENNA: Yup.

ELDER: (agitated) Give over.  So I’ll fetch the authorities now, shall I, if that’s what you really want.  Which of them should I call first?  The Gardaí?  The Department of Heritage?  Waste Disposal? 

SULLIVAN:  Where is the telephone anyway?  I’ve not seen it in all the time I’ve been here.

MACKENNA:  Me neither.

ELDER:  In my room, of course.  Where else? 

MACKENNA:  Which one?

SULLIVAN: The whole house is his room, I suppose.

ELDER:  A splendid deduction, Sullivan, my good man.  Anyhow, what does it matter which room?  Have any of you needed to use a telephone in all the time you’ve been here?

MACKENNA:

SULLIVAN:

ELDER:  We’ve had no major emergencies, have we?  I wouldn’t even necessarily call this an emergency.  Ahem.

MACKENNA:  A gunman in your house trying to shoot you dead...is not an emergency!

ELDER:  Ah, hold your sarcasm for when you’re back with the anoraks, MacKenna.

MACKENNA:  It doesn’t look good to hide your telephone away from the rest of us.  If your aim is to show us and the world at large you’re not Charlie Manson-like.

ELDER:  There is an easy explanation for everything.  I can for example explain that the last wife had an insane fear of phones and I had to keep it out of her sight at all times.  Phobias come in all forms.  Hers was the disembodied voice.  She could not speak to a person unless they were face to face with her.  The fact of disembodied voices can be a devastating thing for some folk to come to terms with.  (pause)  And she was quite religious, you know.  She once answered a call and thought it was God on the other end.  I can’t imagine how she’d have reacted to Brennan’s talking toaster.

SULLIVAN:  I wouldn’t blame her for running a mile.  Sure look how Moloney there came away after his conversation with it.

 

Image: Wikimedia Commons