Talking Dogs of Harwich

Johnson was as much in the habit of drinking with Carter as Carter
was of drinking with Johnson. In their local pub there was a place
where they liked to sit, in the corner by the fire. They sat and often
found themselves talking. Talking of this and talking of that. Often
the conversations turned to the people of the village. Johnson was, in
his own eyes if in no-one else's, a font of local information. He
seemed to know everything that had ever happened in the village, he
knew the life stories of the inhabitants; he also knew all of their
best stories. Carter was the new boy in town, and would remain so until
someone else moved there. As such Carter, a friend of Johnson's from
school, was an ideal companion: he kept his own stories short and
listened attentively to his friend.
Finishing a tale Carter asked Johnson a question.
'Have you always lived here Johnson?'
'No Carter I once lived for a month in Harwich.'
'Harwich?'
'Have you been there Carter?'
'No, Johnson, but I have been to Antwerp.'
'Then I must tell you, perhaps the most fascinating and unusual of all
my stories. It happened whilst I was loving in Harwich.'
'Loving Johnson?'
'Loving!?! No living, I was living in Harwich. I did so for
approximately one month. Whilst there the most extraordinary thing
happend I shall tell you about it if you like?'
'Proceed Johnson, I do like to hear your histories.'
'I was walking across the park with a young lady called Susanna.'
'You were having a love affair with her Johnson?'
'Certainly not! She was a married woman.'
'Sorry Johnson, I did not realise I was implying something
sordid.'
'I shall continue. As we walked across the park I heard the most
peculiar sounds. hey were emanating from the other side of a small
hedge. From the vague articulation of their words I assumed that it
must have been some teenage drug addicts. Drugs were frequently being
imported on the various ferries coming in to Harwich and the teenagers
consumed all varieties of drug. I looked over the hedge and was
surprised to see, not pimply faces with pallid complexions and darkened
eyes, but two dogs. The dogs looked at me and then each other and then
back toward myself. They had that guilty look dogs sometimes have. As I
continued to look, somewhat surprised by the lack of humans, the guilty
look disappeared. The dogs developed a defiant stare and one of them, a
scruffy cross-breed, started to snarl and bear his teeth. Showing no
fear I stared straight back into its eyes and the mutt ran away taking
his accomplice with him.
'I realised that to say I thought I had heard the dogs talking would
cause Susanna to think differently of me. As such I simply told her,
when she enquired, that it was but a pair of mongrels begetting more of
the like. I had thought that phrase reasonably witty but Susanna looked
disgusted, as if I had used the obscene F. word. She continued her
shocked and disgusted look for just a little too long. Then she spoke,
"In public! The filthy beasts." I said that they were only dogs but for
the rest of the walk the idea seemed to haunt her. I was most
displeased. This event had spoiled our enjoyable walk, which I had
hoped to have continued for much longer. I wished that it had been
juvenile junkies. I took my leave of her on reaching her house. As she
was entering the door she turned and said, "I still can't believe those
degenerate creatures were doing that in public." '
'You were a little in love with her weren't you Johnson?'
'Perhaps, a little. Anyway, the event had left me feeling ill at ease.
I had seen dogs copulating many times. For that matter I have also seen
a bull and a cow, a ram and a ewe, two monkeys, a lion and lioness and
two frogs all in the mating act. It was something which as a child I
found amusing, and as an adult worthy of little comment. And yet two
things; I could swear I had heard voices despite their being no humans
present and then there was Susanna's reaction. It was as if she had
either never considered that animals might have no moral code or that
there was some fracture in her own sexuality which the mating of those
animals had brought to the fore of her mind.
'I speculated as to her reaction while I sat at home smoking. Perhaps
she had had dreams that she was a dog. Maybe her husband had been
having an affair which she had only recently discovered but not yet
confronted him with: the dogs represented the adultery which had been
going on. This could explain why she was so upset. It could be that
someone else had caught them and then told her about it. This idea
seemed to explain much, she considered her husband and his lover to be
like the dogs which I had disturbed. As if, but no Carter, these were
but idle speculations. The real reason was bizarre, not something as
mundane as adultery.
'As I was saying, I sat smoking and thinking. Not having been in
Harwich for long I decided to go for another walk in order to acquaint
myself with the local geography. A couple of times, in the early stages
of my exploration, I could have sworn that I heard my name called. I
would look about me and yet no-one was to be seen. One time a voice
reverberated from a side alley, "Johnson. Johnson," slow and haunting.
I felt disturbed by all this but decided to continue my walk. Turning
up "The Quays" and on toward "Essex Way" I find myself approaching the
dockside. It had grown dark during the course of my journey so I was
glad to see the lights around the harbour. I knew that if I got over to
the main port I should be able to catch the omnibus home.
'My posture improved as I headed boldly in the direction of the bus
stop. Then I saw something which made me stop daed in my tracks. Four
dogs, one of which was sitting on the harbour wall, were all staring at
me. At first I thought I should turn and cross to the other side of the
road. I decided that I was being foolish and decided to continue past
the creatures. They persisted in staring at me. I remembered that I
should show no fear; I picked out the biggest, an Alsatian, and stared
straight into his eyes. I approached cautiously, the Alsatian seemed to
smile and said, "Well, well, well, if it isn't our old friend Mr
Johnson." I was amazed that the fiend could talk. He knew my name! What
was happening? I began breathing heavily. Perspiration streamed down my
brow into my eyes. The dog continued, "You've been doing things you
shouldn't have."
Carter interrupted his friend;
'You mean a dog accused you of doing things you ought not to have
done?'
'Yes Carter, yes. Please let me continue. I could feel myself starting
to panic. The gruff dog had a patronising, sarcastic tone of voice.
What was I to do? I turned and fled. Please don't think me a coward
Carter when I tell you that at that moment I was genuinely afraid for
my life.
'I went on running for what seemed an epoch. My unfamiliarity with the
locale told. At some point I must have doubled back on myself. I saw,
ahead of me, the Alsatian. I turned to go back up the street, running
toward me were two Cocker Spaniels. I jumped to one side and darted
down an alley way. Halfway down this alley I spied a Labrador/Collie
cross-breed. I was trapped.
'The dogs were now openly disrespectful. "Going somewhere?" asked the
cross-breed Collie. "Just getting some exercise?" barked a Spaniel. "He
gets enough of that already," said the Alsatian. At this they all
laughed. It was a rather crude laughter. This mockery was the last
straw. "What do you want?" I snapped. "Ah," said the Alsatian, "so
you're ready to do a deal. Let us say five grand and no-one will be any
the wiser." "Five grand or we spill the beans." I agreed for I knew
this would buy me some time. They arranged for us all to meet again at
the same place the following night.
'Immediately, upon my arrival back at the flat I was renting, I packed
my bags. I ran to the station and took the early morning train to
London. Once in London I began to feel safe and from there I came back
here. I have never returned to Harwich, nor to I intend ever to do
so.'
Carter looked completely bemused. He did not know what to make of
Johnson's tale. Normally his stories were the recantations of real
events which had occured locally. Sure, he often embellished the
details but this, this was fantastic. Carter puffed away on his pipe
while Johnson finished his drink. He noticed that Johnson seemed to be
sweating as though through the telling of the story he had also relived
it.
'You know Johnson, I believe you made that whole story up.'
'Sometimes, Carter, the truth is stranger than fiction.'
'I believe you were having an affair with Susanna and someone found
out. That someone was either her husband or a blackmailer, either way,
that is the real reason you left Harwich so speedily.'
'You believe what you wish Carter. I must turn in now, I'll see you
soon.'
Johnson got up and headed for the door. He realised that he was acting
a little hastily for he had forgotten to bid Carter a good-night.
'Good-night Carter.'
'Good-night Johnson, you old dog.'