Like Collo Hadn't Warned Me

"He's gonna stuff me," I blurted.

"Don't talk like that!" Collo grabbed my arms. "He's just a twinkling fairy!"

"Yeah, but he's built like..."

"You're representing 'B' troop." He looked at me earnestly. "They're all tarts in 'C' troop."

"Yeah, but he looks like he can..."

"Use your reach!" He pretended a killer blow. "Don't let him near you... pick him off at a distance... head punches... body blows... you can beat him."

"Yeah, but see how he..."

Collo hit himself on the forehead. "Keep moving... high work rate. Quick hands... right, left! Quick feet... in, out!"

"Yeah, but I'm feeling a bit..."

"One... two, three... one!"

"Yeah, but..."

"One... two, three... one!"

"Ok". I'd run out of arguments.

"Come on, killer... let me hear you growl."

"Grrrr."

The referee beckoned me. Collo slapped me on the shoulder.

"Ow! That hurt."

The referee checked our gloves. "No gouging." He decreed, indicating with his thumb. "No rabbit punches." He mimed a karate chop. "No hitting down here." He mimed a punch to his groin. "I want a good clean fight. No butting, spitting or swearing. No kneeing in the knackers. If I tell you to break... break!"

I glanced at me opponent. His nostrils flared... Neanderthal incarnate. I was hyperventilating. I thought I was going to faint.

The referee looked into my eyes. "You Ok, son?"

"Grrrr."

Taking a step backwards, he raised his hands in dramatic gesture. "Get ready to defend yourselves," he warned, then clapped his hands together sharply and commanded, "Box!"

I took my crouched stance like Collo had shown me. One... two, three... one!

"Come on, lads... nice and steady now," the referee advised.

I pranced around the ring like Collo had schooled me. One... two, three... one!

"Come on, lads... pick it up a bit." The referee encouraged.

I kept my right hand in reserve like Collo had taught me. One... two, three... one!

"Come on, lads... let's see some action now." The referee ordered.

I poked out my left jab like Collo had told me. One... two, three... one!

"Come on, lads... go for each other!" The referee demanded.

My opponent hit me in the face like Collo hadn't warned me. One... two, three... and then I saw stars.