From Jester To King XLV

Not saying anything is the worst place to be. If they wanted me in the band, then they wanted me simple as that. I wasn’t just some bit-part there to play along with. But not saying anything, how were they to know? And then I give myself all the excuses; well they’re famous, they’re good, they’re established, I’m small, and so I end up going along with it all and just not saying anything. Which isn’t that bad. I mean going along with it meant standing behind the partition and this sofa responding to lead every so often, and then the piano part, I felt a bit hemmed in that’s all. No the straw that broke the camel’s back as they say, the thing that really smarts even now, was when they made burgers and even though I had my own plate I was so inaccessible from the main area that they couldn’t feed it to me so I end up getting just one fried chicken pattie from the actual burger and the rest of the burger gets polished off right in front of my eyes, no questions asked, no do you mind if we have yours Steven etc. I’m not saying I was expecting burgers in the first place, but having brought them out with a plate for each person then you can’t say that you’re not suddenly excited. Maybe that was why it pushed me over. It got my hopes up. I suppose I must have really wanted the whole experience, chips and a bun and even that sauce it comes with. So it was at this point that I actually say something but I think I probably overdid it, that’s what I mean by not saying anything, because by now it had all built up inside without me even knowing and when it came out it was too strong, not in proportion to the alleged offence and I scream and hurl abuse asking for god’s sake why I have to stand behind this partition the whole time as if I’m infected and to top it all off, I’m fucking hungry and all you leave me is a pattie and no salad nothing, how fucking selfish, I deserve better! And then I can’t help mentioning Paul McCartney which I regret now, anyway I’m not saying their attitude changed completely but it did feel as if they hadn’t realised I was upset before the tirade, and then they gave off that impression of having realised they had been a bit selfish before. A little bit of contrition. So they deliberated but at the end of it all it made no difference and they made it clear enough they didn’t consider me part of the band. We did shuffle about my playing position but a minor detail. Take it or leave it. 

So don’t go around not saying stuff. Tell people, tell them, that’s the only way they’ll know and sometimes you’ll surprise yourself, you’ll see you have legitimate concerns and people will respond to them. I mean come on, we all have a voice do we not.