I've Got it on a List
In our writing class we were each given a list and had to write about it. This was my list.
It was a very pretty piece of paper, it came from one of those pads that people actually BUY! Me, I cut up old envelopes and use those. This one was a delicate shade of lilac with tiny forget me not flowers around its edge and the writing was exquisite. A bit over the top for a list I thought.
I had come across it whilst trawling through Oxfam’s second hand books. Another indication of what a cheap skate I am, why pay full rate for the same book you can buy in a charity shop, AND you’re supporting a worthwhile cause.
Well, to get back to this rather smart piece of paper. I couldn’t decide if it had been used as a book mark or if it had found its way into the book for safe keeping. Anyway I bought the book, along with said list. It was one of those much praised by literary supplements and if the writer of the list had read it then it was one for me.
Got home, settled down with a cup of coffee, a garibaldi biscuit (I do love picking out those currants, we used to call them dead flies when I was young) and the aforementioned book. Oh deary, deary, deary me, what a mistake! First paragraph in and I was completely lost. Tried the second and needed a dictionary to understand some of the words, oh well it only cost fifty p so it could go back to the shop to delight another reader.
I threw the book on the floor ready to settle back for a well needed nap after all those hard words, when that pretty piece of paper fluttered out and landed on my lap. A sure sign I was meant to read it. Glasses perched on the edge of my nose I began to peruse. Immediately hooked, drawn into the world this woman, for surely it must be a woman, had created.
First I marvelled at the jewel like lettering, a skill sadly missing in the current generation of textophiles. Obviously a Mont Blanc top quality ‘fountain’ pen had been used with an ink colour that echoed the colour of the paper. Oh my, I need to savour this list.
No items numbered but I will start from the top,
Write to M.P.
Surely it must be a matter of great importance, a solution for the Brexit debacle, Boris’s problems with the ladies, or even a plan for world dominance led by Madonna. I could go on,
Study Amazon Self Publishing
Obviously she has written the latest block buster. Nothing tacky or seedy like that Shades of Grey nonsense (I have only read selected bits). It will be something that will make people take stock of their lives, for the better.
Take clothes to charity shop.
This is intriguing, a house move, a death in the family or even a new partner which would require a whole new wardrobe.
I am warming to this woman. I feel we have a lot in common. I would love to meet her.
Item number four, I just wonder if these are in order of importance,
Send for course information
Mindfulness, a possibility or maybe family history. She would really like to ‘discover herself’ I think.
Now this next item really puzzles me, why doesn’t she write him a letter?
I think I’ve cracked it. Bob is an ex lover now living as an expat on the Costa Del Sol. He has a slightly shady past which is what attracted her to him. Emails easier than trusting snail mail.
We get to our last item,
Check payments on Paypal
Is she being scammed? As a highly intelligent person I think she would have her finger on the pulse, or, if she is like me, which I suspect, she has spent too much this month and not sure there are funds to support the extravagancies.
That’s it, the list done. I think I have got the measure of this person. I would truly love to meet her.
Last dead fly eaten, I need to make a shopping list. A ballpoint pen, an old envelope and off we go.
Mousetrap cheese( cheap one)
White sliced loaf
Bottle of cheap red