Alfie Shoyger

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I have 90 stories published in 3 collections on the site.
My stories have been read 11332 times and 49 of my stories have been cherry picked.
9 of my 171 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 11 votes

Alfie Shoyger's picture

Terrible, disgusting extremist who doesn't get all of his opinions from the Guardian.

 

 

First poetry collection, available on Amazon:

My stories

59,000% Say Keep Smoking

Written in 2007, just before the introduction of the smoking ban.
2 likes
Cherry

Exvermination

My hat’s far from doffed at the rats in my loft, they screech and they fight and they breed from nine until two, when I’m trying to do boring and gay things like read...
Cherry

The Dungeon

He said, “Alf, this is Anna, she comes from New York” and I thought my retort was so witty and maverick. I smiled, “Hello, Anna. I’m Alfie, from London. We must get together and invent a fabric.” I wasn’t in jocular mood on the Tube though, that afternoon clattering northwards from Gatwick, my eyes on an advert depicting a bloodied axe hovering over a skeletal Catholic...

Chaucer

(Cleriku): Geoffrey Chaucer, though dead as a saucer...
Cherry

The Ballade of Armageddon

The planet ricochets to prophets’ chants and I am forced to only half-mistrust what Nostradamus fished from out his trance and revelations bishops have discussed...

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9 of my comments have received 11 Great Feedback votes

2 Votes

I'm touched that you enjoyed

Posted on Mon, 16 Jul 2018

I'm touched that you enjoyed it so much. Thanks for such a nice comment.

The poem is of course based on Friedrich Schiller's "Ode an die Freude" - "Ode to Joy" in English - a poem which I love in spite of the fact that it is now the anthem...

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Posted in Ode an den Dönerkebab / Ode to the Doner Kebab

2 Votes

I've done it live a few times

Posted on Mon, 21 May 2018

I've done it live a few times, yes. One time was at the Poetry Place at Covent Garden, which is full of dreary, mumbling old gits. One old bird didn't seem to like the poem much, as she wrote a poem in the interval decrying poets who use "over-...

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Posted in Chicken Caesar

1 Vote

We will also build walls on

Posted on Fri, 05 Oct 2018

We will also build walls on our bridges...

 

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Posted in My Brexit Poem

1 Vote

My two favourite Welsh forms

Posted on Thu, 27 Sep 2018

My two favourite Welsh forms are the Cywydd Llosgyrnog, which I attempted here:

https://www.abctales.com/story/alfie-shoyger/no-warm-arms

and the Clogyrnach:...

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Posted in Job Centre Gwawdodyn

1 Vote

Thank God for that, I thought

Posted on Thu, 05 Jul 2018

Thank God for that, I thought I was the only one. I hate buttons too. Especially little fiddly ones.

I once lived in a flatshare with a seamstress, and she loved them. A real koumpounophile. She even had a huge plate-sized one on the wall...

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Posted in Koumpounophobia

1 Vote

Thanks, Jose. The form is

Posted on Fri, 30 Mar 2018

Thanks, Jose. The form is called a ghazal, which is a favourite of mine to write in.

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Posted in Maturity

1 Vote

Shall oi compare ee to a

Posted on Mon, 12 Jun 2017

Shall oi compare ee to a summer day?

Ye be gert lush, me babber.

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Posted in Biss or Bissn't

1 Vote

I didn't say it was morally

Posted on Thu, 29 Mar 2018

I didn't say it was morally right for the Jews to steal Arab land, I just said that I don't care, because Arabs have enough land already. The Jews are Middle Eastern too, and after everything they've suffered throughout history, they deserve a...

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Posted in End Islamophobia (In the Blairite Party)

1 Vote

go raibh míle maith agat

Posted on Mon, 26 Mar 2018

go raibh míle maith agat

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Posted in My First Love, 1989 – 91