Alfie Shoyger

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I have 132 stories published in 2 collections on the site.
My stories have been read 23577 times and 79 of my stories have been cherry picked.
17 of my 254 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 21 votes

Alfie Shoyger's picture

Terrible, disgusting extremist who doesn't get all of his opinions from the Guardian.

 

 

First poetry collection, available on Amazon:

My stories

Alfie is one Psycho Ex

(Chant Royal): When I sat across your street in a tutu, ululating, waving chunks of ostrich-meat at people and impersonating Lenin through a megaphone in a disabled parking zone, I looked up and caught sight of you...
Cherry

Grenwegian Blues

Greenwich, you gorgeous and big-statued suburb of indigo, orange and furlongs of green, where arsonists kindled a riverside hubbub with boat-lovers stoking the billowing scene. Who did it? Some landlubber band who’ve decided that mankind can never do anything good on the ocean?...
Cherry

The Ofs and Ofnots

I should of went and ran and hid. Whom would of knew I had of did?...
Cherry

Cento in D-minor

(Cento): I now detect an alien vibration here as Beautiful Zelda from Galaxy Four, the kind of eyes that hypnotise me through, lips of venomous poison, poison running through my veins, suddenly walks through my door...

Muslimerick

“Girls’ ankles inspire criminality, wrap them up!”...

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17 of my comments have received 21 Great Feedback votes

2 Votes

Thanks for posting this, it's

Posted on Wed, 20 Mar 2019

Thanks for posting this, it's really funny and interesting.

I suspect you've made up some of the rhymes here. Does anyone ever say "tin can" to mean "man", or "ten ton lorry" to mean "sorry"?

Cockney is of course versatile and...

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Posted in To A Marse (To A Mouse)

2 Votes

You should read the

Posted on Sun, 21 Oct 2018

You should read the revolutionary theories of Russell Grant.

 

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Posted in Morning Star Horoscopes Page, with Karl Marx

2 Votes

I'm touched that you enjoyed

Posted on Mon, 16 Jul 2018

I'm touched that you enjoyed it so much. Thanks for such a nice comment.

The poem is of course based on Friedrich Schiller's "Ode an die Freude" - "Ode to Joy" in English - a poem which I love in spite of the fact that it is now the anthem...

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Posted in Ode an den Dönerkebab / Ode to the Doner Kebab

2 Votes

I've done it live a few times

Posted on Mon, 21 May 2018

I've done it live a few times, yes. One time was at the Poetry Place at Covent Garden, which is full of dreary, mumbling old gits. One old bird didn't seem to like the poem much, as she wrote a poem in the interval decrying poets who use "over-...

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Posted in Chicken Caesar

1 Vote

"sip o' tea" indeed...

Posted on Wed, 13 Mar 2019

"sip o' tea" indeed... excellent rhyme...

 

 

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Posted in He said I was Whippety (Rimus Dissolutas)

1 Vote

He died? What an

Posted on Tue, 12 Mar 2019

He died? What an inconsiderate git...

Seriously though, well done. A nice use of the form.

 

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Posted in Last Week I Lost My Job (Rimus Dissolutas)

1 Vote

You've done very well with

Posted on Mon, 11 Mar 2019

You've done very well with this - a nice flowing meter and no forced rhymes (except possibly for 'fix').

 

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Posted in In Troubadouric Tradition?

1 Vote

Also a verb, Tom. See Julian

Posted on Sun, 03 Mar 2019

Also a verb, Tom. See Julian Lennon: "Salt water wells in my eyes".

The middle line is probably tricky for you because you are South African. I have noticed that, whereas we Brits emphasise the second part of "as well" (as WELL), your...

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Posted in Well

1 Vote

I like the idea of this. The

Posted on Thu, 17 Jan 2019

I like the idea of this. The pun on 'metre' and 'meet' is clever, but I'm not sure it works perfectly here, because 'metre' is not a verb, the verb of course being 'scan'.

Maybe something like "for rhyme and regular metre"?...

 

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Posted in Personal

1 Vote

You must be. Karl Marx knows

Posted on Sun, 21 Oct 2018

You must be. Karl Marx knows his astrology.

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Posted in Morning Star Horoscopes Page, with Karl Marx

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