Sarcasm 101
By TheRoz81
The following pieces will basically be a how-to guide on feeling better about yourself, that or a how-to guide on being a smart aleck. Vegas is betting on the latter with odds at 114 : 1. Included will be: Separate applications for boyfriends and girlfriends, top ten lists, lovely stories from my dating past which I don't believe half the time and making fun of just about everything and everyone outside of children under the age of 3 months and...well, that's about it, I suppose.
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- 546 reads
Weiner Tweets His Massive Tweet
New York Democratic Congressman, Anthony Weiner, has made big news of late. Mr.
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- 341 reads
"Marley & Me" Saves Families...or so I'm told (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
That's right, the film starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston and a dog named after Bob Marley saves families.
Advertising Slogans with a Twist (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
There should be additional spaces in-between all of the different comments/dialogues and the following ad, but I was unable to do this. My apologies.
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- 672 reads
Apparently, Socks Make the Man (an excerpt from the book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
I read an article recently which centered around first-date fashion advice for men.
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- 436 reads
Being gay is like smoking, eh? Me thinks not.
When interviewed by ThinkProgress earlier this year, social conservative leader (Iowa Family Leader), Bob Vander Plaats, stated, “If we’re teaching the kids, ‘don’t smoke, because that’s a r
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- 380 reads
Carpet + Shoes + Boombox = (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
Have you ever had that odd dating experience in your past that makes for a fun drunken story to tell friends or even strangers now?
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- 502 reads
Commentary - What did everyone think of the book or author?
“I feel dirty after reading this.” - Prostitute “We like a lot of guys, but he may be our favorite.” - Boy Band
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- 321 reads
Girlfriend Application (excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
Name: (Note: If your name is Halle Berry, you automatically qualify.) Age: (You must be between the ages of 18 and 87.) Job:
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- 347 reads
Intentionally Misinterpreting Statements As Being Literal (an excerpt from my book, T.K.H. Smartass)
There should be extra spaces between the "Me" comments and the next person's as every bit includes another person's comment and my response.
Singles Ads I'd Like To See (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
Sometimes I'll rummage through the singles ads, because some of them are rather hilarious.
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- 354 reads
The Top Ten Ways to Know You’re “Special” (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
10. You try to put shoelaces on your sandals. 9. You go to a shooting range with a squirt gun. 8. You bring your 3-Wood whenever you go miniature golfing.
Every Kiss Does NOT Begin With Kay (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
Between the music, the dialogue and the acting, these Kay commercials come across to me as a hybrid of a soap opera and an awful made-for-TV movie.
My Attempt At Thinking Like Glenn Beck (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
Okay, I'm going to give this a go. I've never been able to understand how Glenn Beck comes up with the ideas he does.
Misusing Words
I’m a bit of a spelling and grammar geek.
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- 576 reads
The Overuse of Pronouns
Some people like to speak in clichés. Others like to speak in metaphors. Certain special people even like to speak in tongues.
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- 917 reads
Doctors Crack Me Up Sometimes
So, I went to the doctor's this past Monday. I'm heading northbound to Michigan tomorrow to see family over Memorial Day weekend.
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- 315 reads
What If the Shake Weight, Kay Jewelers and Cialis Joined Forces to Make a Holiday Commercial?
Personally, I think the shake weight commercials are some of the most unintentionally funny commercials out right now. Cialis is not too far behind in that regard.
Introduction - Laughter Is Possibly Inevitable
Some people may refer to me as crazy. I like to think of myself as creative. At least, that’s what my mother, three shrinks and invisible friend, Toby, have told me.
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The Irony of hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (the fear of long words)
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words. No, I'm not kidding. It's as if the creator(s) of this word was (were) playing a cruel joke on those whom suffer from it.
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- 1921 reads
What is it with the new trend in sunglasses?
Seriously, what is it with the new trend in sunglasses - The Paris Hilton trend, as I call it?
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- 302 reads
“Snow Reduces Visibility,” Eh? Duh... (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
So, I just saw a headline on The Weather Channel which read, "Snow Reduces Visibility". This was quite the mind-blowing announcement.
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- 278 reads
My Life Is a Shadow of My Horoscope (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
That's right. Each and every day, I read my horoscope and that's how I plan my day. I also have a lifetime supply of fortune cookies, where I will follow their advice on a daily basis.
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- 654 reads
New Year's Resolutions
Regardless of the time of year or what year it is, I believe the following resolutions will be made: Dick Cheney - To smile for the first time in his life.
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- 300 reads
Gotta Love This Saying (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)
"It's always the last place that you'd think to look." Yeah, no kidding, because once we've found "it," only a demented fool with Alzheimer's would continue to look.
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- 347 reads
The Top Ten Twitter Pornos
When I first heard of the lingo used on the social-networking site, Twitter, I immediately began to chuckle, a chuckle which could signify one thing and one thing only - perverted thoughts.
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- 1034 reads