Taking the Dog for a Walk

Taking the Dog for a Walk

I was hungry, but to be honest, I didn't even really need anything.
Perched awkwardly in the car as it drifted blindly forward, I had
already reasoned that there was enough food in the refrigerator to at
least make some form of meal, and that all the basic household
essentials were in reasonable supply. It was just that I was used to
all the little extra things being there, things that in the last ten
years I had taken completely for granted. If I wanted a cup of coffee,
I would have had the choice of free trade, gold blend or decaf. If my
hands were dirty, I could choose between allergy free soap and
anti-bacterial hand wash to cleanse them. It wasn't much, but like most
things, I missed them when they weren't there. I needed to restore some
kind of normality; I needed something to be familiar again - and like I
said, I was hungry.

My appetite soon disappeared however, when I heard a muted, hard thud
outside the car. There may well have been a gruff whimper as well, but
it would have been at a timbre too similar to the throaty rasp of my
Toyota Corolla 1.5l for it to register. I switched off the ignition and
climbed slowly out. My common sense was pulling me backwards while my
curiosity was pushing me on, leaving me swaying uncertainly. I fought
through it long enough to reach the front of the car and slowly tilted
my head down. The strong mid-day sun was casting the car's shadow
around my feet, obscuring my vision - but I think I already knew what I
was going to see. There it was - a dog. A dog wedged firmly between the
hard gravel of my garage drive and the soft plastic of my car
bumper.

I moved in close and knelt down, to inspect the damage. There was a
thin streak of red wine blood stretching from the right headlight to
just above the air duct, a light silver scratch below it and a small,
almost oval dent in the bumper. It wasn't too bad at all. The dog was
lying on its side. I prodded it with a cautious finger, and despite its
groomed black fur bristling in a small snatch of summer breeze, it
remained motionless. Its relatively large size, coupled with the fact
that it wasn't giving any assistance, ensured that dislodging it
required some considerable effort. Eventually, I pulled it free,
complete with a smudgy trail of blood following it, although not as
much as I'd expected. Deciding that my previous finger contact was as
much skin-to-fur interaction as I was prepared to indulge in, but that
it did really deserve some kind of examination, I resolved to place the
sole of my trainer gently on its stomach and roll it from side to side.
This revealed two things: 1. Despite the blood, I couldn't see any real
marks on it; save for a light smattering of gravel indentations on its
belly and in fact, it looked reasonably healthy, and 2. I knew who this
dog was. This dog was Benny. This dog was my next door
neighbour's.

I should have realized right away - I've seen the damn thing running
through my garden every day for the past three years. But like I said
before, you only notice things when they're not around anymore, and
although physically Benny was still there, any sense of life was
definitely long gone. I could also feel my own life rapidly
disappearing once my neighbours found out. There was the obvious threat
to the well being of my face and limbs from Rob, the mechanic with
muscles that even showed through his Hele Hanson sailing jacket, but it
was the reaction from Sarah that I feared the most. I was in love with
Sarah. I had been since the second I first saw her and developments
over the last two weeks had finally provided me with an opportunity to
do something about it. My heart skulked around, somewhere underneath my
lower intestines, as I realized that this chance was soon to evaporate
just as quickly as it had solidified.

Confession therefore, didn't even enter my mind; I quickly resolved to
conceal the crime. Luckily, panic had by now overridden my fear of
physical contact with the dog, so I managed to bend down and scoop it
into my arms with relative ease. Although the journey back upright was
a little more challenging, once standing, I was able to lock my knees
into place and look around for somewhere to put the dog. After cursing
myself for never allowing the garden to become suitably in bloom so as
to use it for concealment, I plumped for the car boot and proceeded to
walk there in rigid jerks. These tiny movements seemed to double the
length of my Toyota Corolla 1.5l from that of a family hatchback into
almost stretch limo proportions, which left me sweating and panting by
the time I reached the boot. Not wishing to loosen my body for fear of
dropping the dog (I didn't think my back and knees could take picking
it up again), I leant the dog's head on the car and tucked its legs
underneath my left arm, while I unlocked the boot with my right. The
turn of the key triggered the opening mechanism and the boot lid damply
lifted upwards. This caused the dog's head to slowly slide off and drop
down into the loading bay, pulling its legs from under my arm along
with it. The dog ended up crumpled in a heap, completely motionless. I
sighed and slammed the boot shut.

"Hey Kevin, what ya' doin'?" said a shrill, coarse voice. I looked down
at the car boot and pondered the impossibility of the voice coming from
inside. Wisely and quickly, I realized that this was a completely
ridiculous idea, and my conclusion was bore out by the fact that when I
looked back up, Sarah was standing at the bottom of the drive. I stared
back down at the boot and cursed myself for being so skeptical.

"Hello Sarah, how are you?" I said through clenched teeth. I was
waiting for a reply of either; "Why the hell are you putting my dog in
the boot of your car?" "What are those blood stains doing on your
drive?" or at the very least "Have you seen Benny recently?" but all I
got was a simple "I'm fine thanks". I smiled, laughed a little too
loudly and walked confidently over to her. I was always in a state of
dizzy joy when I spoke to Sarah, but the added relief of getting away
with my crime had increased my happiness to unprecedented levels.

"&;#8230;Err&;#8230;" so much so that I seemed to loose the power
of speech. There was a lengthy pause.

"I guess you're off to' shops then", said Sarah, thankfully breaking
the silence.

"Yes, I am actually. But how do you know that?" I said, my dumb stupor
interrupted by genuine inquisition.

"Well, I always used to see your Fiona setting off shopping around this
time&;#8230; but I guess you gotta do it yourself now, 'aven't ya?"
she said, the pitch of her voice dropping to a suitably solemn
level.

I lost my happy smile. Sarah mentioning Fiona's name caused me to think
about her properly for the first time in days. I'd thought about all
the things she did, mainly because they weren't being done anymore, but
I'd managed to hide the reality of Fiona as an actual human being under
a heaped pile of convenient self-delusion. It also reminded me of the
way I'd treated her; of the way the last three years of our marriage
had been cruelly one-sided, and suddenly, looking at Sarah became not a
feeling of excitement, but an overwhelming cloud of guilt.

"&;#8230;Err&;#8230;." the result was the same; speech eluded
me.

"Kevin", said Sarah, again filling the dead air around us, "D'ya think
I could get a lift down with ya?"

The moment her question ended, all past thoughts and memories made
their excuses and left my head instantly. The dog returned. The dog
that was Sarah's pride and joy - the dog that was currently residing in
the boot of my car. You'd think that would have been enough reason for
me to turn her request down, but oh no, I just happily blurted
out:

"Of course you can Sarah, no problem", and with that we got into the
car, put on our seat belts and drove off from the drive onto the
street. All of which, happened in a thick mist of bewilderment and
blatant stupidity, clouding up what was otherwise a startling sunny
day. However, the fog lights cut through it as soon as Sarah
said:

"Ya know Kevin, I always wanted to ask Fiona for a lift to the shops
when I saw her, but&;#8230; I dunno, it just didn't seem
right."

"Oh? Why's that?" I replied with forced nonchalance.

"Well, what with you havin' that, er, little crush on me, I didn't
wanna rub it in. You know what I mean?"

"That little crush?" I slammed the breaks on. The car skidded a little
on its well-worn tires then stopped. A loud but muffled bang sounded
from the back of the car, which I presumed was the dog being thrown
around in the boot. "That little crush?" Jesus Christ, she knew. I
couldn't believe it. How could she have known? Fiona, my wife of ten
years, didn't even know until two weeks ago - and I'm not even sure if
she believed me then. She'd just packed a small bag and driven off to
stay with her Mum. No screams, no tears; not even a single word. Two
weeks and we hadn't spoken. So maybe Fiona had known all along. Maybe
she'd just been waiting for me to actually say it. Maybe she'd waited
too long.

"Fuckin' 'ell Kevin! What've you stopped for?" screamed Sarah in a mix
of anger and excitement.

"I, er, I&;#8230; thought I saw something in the road", I replied
pathetically, even cringing as I said it.

"What, like a dog or summit?" she said.

"Yes, a dog", I said very quickly while starting the car back up again.
Then it happened again. The multitude of questions vanished from my
mind, leaving me only with the image of that dog in the boot of my
car.

As the car picked up speed again, the muffled bang from the boot
continued to sound. The road ahead was relatively straight and the
surface underneath had a fresh lick of tarmac. The suspension on my
Toyota Corolla 1.5l was typical Japanese soft and smooth. Yet the sound
carried on. I even slowed a little, taking the few corners at an almost
funeral procession pace, but it didn't stop. Surely the dog couldn't
have been swinging around? Besides, it was big; there was barely any
room for it to do anything.

"Can you hear something Kevin", asked Sarah

"No", I said unconvincingly as I reached down to turn the radio on. The
sanitized country yelp of Shania Twain poured from the speakers, but
the reception was too tinny to mask the bass frequencies of the
banging.

"There", she said, cupping her hand to her ears, "Can't you hear it?"
Well of course I could hear it, and no matter how loud I turned the
radio up, it just wouldn't go away. Luckily, my grey matter, having
taken a back seat to allow my hormones and stupidity centre stage,
decided to kick into action.

"Oh that" I said, emphasizing the second word far too much and laughing
in relief, "That's just a problem with the rear suspension. I've been
meaning to have it checked out for some time now."

"Oh right" said Sarah, seemingly satisfied with the explanation. This
resolution encouraged me turn the radio back off again and try and
regain the thread of conversation from before.

"Sarah", I said, swallowing so much air that the word was barely
audible, "did you really know that I had, er, feelings for you?

"Yeah, 'course I did", she said immediately. She turned to me and
spread a big lipstick smile across her face. "I thought it was cute,
really."

"Cute?" I said

"Yeah, cute. I mean c'mon, it was never gonna happen was it. I mean, me
with Rob and you with Fiona. Besides, it wasn't anything serious
anyway, was it?"

"No, of course not", I said, laughing so loud that only a fool could
possibly be convinced.

"That's alright then", she said smiling. "I didn't think it was. What I
was sayin' before, ya' know, about not askin' for lifts of Fiona. It
was just that I really liked her, and well, I kind of felt a bit sorry
for her&;#8230; what with you lustin' after me all the time!" The
smile turned into a raucous laugh, complete with specks of spit
spraying from her mouth onto the windscreen. I couldn't compete with my
faux amusement and so allowed a true grimace to cover my face.

"Did, er, did Rob know as well?" I asked timidly.

"Are you kiddin'?" she blurted out in-between laughs. "He'd kill you if
he knew. He'd probably kill me an' all". I sighed and felt a ripple of
relief wash over me. Sarah's laughter eventually subsided into a gentle
titter, leaving the banging dog a space in the airwaves to become
audible again. However, I soon prayed for the sound mix to change back
round the moment she said:

"Hey! I've just had a thought. Why don't we pop into Rob's garage, see
if he can take a quick look at that suspension thingy?" My head was
screaming out no, practically piercing through my eardrums, but my lips
simply said: "Ok, good idea."

Rob's garage was annoyingly situated just five minutes from the
supermarket and on the exact same route. It was unavoidable. I stopped
the car and waited for a gap in the traffic to make the right hand turn
into it. As I waited, I could see Rob on the forecourt, cautiously
peering into the car. Sarah saw him and immediately started jumping up
and down in the seat and waving frantically. Rob returned a smug smile
and waved slowly back. A gap came and I crossed the road and pulled up
just next to Rob.

At that moment, immense panic struck my ligaments, rendering me
completely unable to move. I sat rigid in the car, gripping the
steering wheel. The engine was still running. Luckily, Sarah had
already jumped out of the car and was involved in a tight embrace with
her husband. I could see her talking and pointing to the back wheels
through the mirror, so I presumed she was explaining the situation for
me.
Rob walked over, his enormous frame blocking all the light. He tapped
against the glass. I had no choice but to snap my arm into action and
roll the window down.

"Hiya Kev", came a booming voice, "Don't get up, will ya'"

"I&;#8230;er, sorry, er", I mumbled as I tried to summon the will to
move the rest of my body.

"Don't worry mate," he said smiling, "You stay where you are, I think I
know what the problem might be"

"Really?" I asked, my limbs gradually loosening up.

"Yeah, I just need you to open up the boot for me. There's a latch down
there in these Corolla's in't there?" Yes, indeed there was a latch,
right next to my left shin. There was no point hiding it. It was plain
to see.

"OK" I said. Rob moved to the back of the car, banged on the boot lid
and gestured to me to get a move on. I slowly moved my hand down to the
lever. My fingers trembled next to it for a few seconds. I closed my
eyes, took a deep breath and quickly moved my hand over to the gear
stick. I jerked it back into reverse, slid my hand onto the handbrake
and slammed my foot down onto the accelerator. The car jerked quickly
backwards. There was a loud, clear crunch, Followed by a loud, clear
yell from Rob. I slammed the breaks back on and the car stopped
dead.

Although I sincerely wanted to, a crippling surge of guilt prevented me
from driving off. Instead, I opened the door and got out of the car, my
stare fixed firmly on the ground. I could hear Rob gasping and
screaming. I could here Sarah crying. Suddenly, I was pushed backwards
against the side of the car. I looked up.

"What the hell did you do that for you dick 'ed?", screamed Sarah into
my face. Bright red rings circled her eyes and dark make-up was smudged
down her face.

"I, er... I, it was an accident, sorry", I offered. "I was reaching
down for the boot release lever&;#8230;its right next to the gear
stick, and my hand slipped and... I'm really sorry. Rob was lying on
the ground, clutching his foot and clenching his teeth. He reached up
and banged the side of the car repeatedly.

"You always were a clumsy fuckin' cunt, weren't ya' Kevin?" hissed Rob
through the gaps in his teeth.

"God I'm really, really sorry Rob, I don't know how it happened", I
said.

"It's broken you bastard, you've broken my foot. Cunt!" bellowed Rob.
Sarah reached into her pocket and pulled out a mobile phone. Her
trembling fingers began to dial.

"Hello?" she said, speaking into the phone. "Hello.... Ambulance
please", she pulled the phone away from her ear and rested it by her
neck. "I think you'd better go Kevin, you've caused more than enough
trouble" she sneered at me.

"But, er, but don't you want a lift to....", my voice trailed off as I
watched Sarah turn her back on me and continue with the call on her
phone. I turned to Rob. His body was still rolling around, but his head
was rigid and pointed directly at me. I mouthed the word "sorry" at him
and turned back towards the car.

"Cunt!" Rob shouted as I opened the door. I sunk into the seat,
released the handbrake and drove off. I looked back through the rear
view mirror. Sarah was knelt next to Rob and cradling him in her
arms.

Thoughts of food and household appliances had long since passed. I
drove past the supermarket, barely acknowledging it and carried on a
good ten minutes after. I could see no other option than to find a
deserted looking lay-by and dispose of the dog once and for all. After
a long, disheartening bordering on pathetic search, I found a suitably
remote looking country lane. By then, the sky, as well as my thoughts,
were beginning to darken. I couldn't wait any longer; I had to get rid
of it.

I stopped the car and got out. Recent memories of the boot release
lever were too painful, so I decided to open it from the outside, using
the key. The lid lifted slowly up and I carefully peered inside. I
didn't know what to expect. A smell? Cold? Riggormortis? I hadn't had
much dealing with death. But when I reached inside and touched the dog,
it was soft and warm - somehow that didn't seem right. There were fresh
odors of dog breath, dog shit and dog piss. Its eyes were open; its
tongue was out. Its tail began to wag slowly from side to side. The dog
wasn't dead. Benny was alive.

I reached inside the boot and lifted the shiny black Alsation out. He
wriggled in my arms and I placed him on his side on the ground. To my
amazement, he pawed at the around and managed to get up onto his feet.
I knelt down and started prodding him for cuts or bruises. He started
barking, deep and loud, so I combined the prodding with a gentle stroke
from my other hand. I couldn't find anything - not a single mark. I got
back up and looked inside the boot. The interior light spread a beam
throughout but didn't illuminate any blood. There was a small curl of
excrement, nestled beside a darkened patch of fabric, but fair play; he
had been stuck in there all afternoon.

A smile spread thickly across my face as I realized the opportunities
this happy turn of events presented me with. With one problem
automatically solved, I deduced that the other could be amended, by
returning Benny back to Sarah and Rob, safe and sound. They must surely
have been back from the hospital by now and be wondering where their
beloved dog had got to. This would put me right back in the good
books.

As I coaxed Benny back into the car, this time in the passenger seat, I
also thought about the effects this seemingly heroic act could have on
my relationship with Sarah. I started the car back up, turned back onto
the road and made my way back home, thinking all the time about how
great this was going to make me look. But as I did so, the last
conversation I had with Sarah came sprinting back into focus; only this
time it was the edited highlights:

She knew I had feelings for her. She thought it was cute. She felt
sorry for Fiona. She laughed at me. She called it a crush. She laughed
at me. Rob would kill me. She spat when she laughed. She had too much
make-up on. She never told me she knew. She laughed at me. She thought
I was cute. She thought I was a joke. She felt sorry for Fiona.
Fiona.

I turned the corner onto my street and began to drive slowly down. I
crawled past Sarah and Rob's house and looked through the window. The
light was on in their front room and I could see them both clearly. Rob
was standing in the middle of the room, leaning on crutches. Sarah was
throwing a ball up in the air. Benny was jumping up and down and
catching the ball in his mouth. Benny was jumping up and down and
catching the ball in his mouth.

I stopped the car and turned round to face the dog on the passenger
seat next to me. It swiveled its head round and barked in my face. I
lowered my head towards the steering wheel and banged it hard against
it. I turned and looked at the dog again. The dog wasn't Benny. It
cocked its head to one side, stuck out its tongue and began to pant.
Saliva dribbled from its mouth onto my car seat, which bizarrely, made
me laugh. I pondered the fact that despite everything I'd gone through
today and in the past couple of weeks; I'd at least come out with
something. Then I looked up at Sarah through the window. Then I looked
back down at the dog. Then I thought about the shit and the piss in the
boot of my car. Then I looked straight ahead, reached past the dog and
opened the door next to it. Then, using a swift barge from my
shoulders, I pushed the dog firmly out of the car. Then I closed the
door, pressed down on the accelerator and made my way towards my
Mother-in-law's house.