quick splashes
of the mother boar
as she circles the pool in search of him
as she crosses the river
he reads time in the swaying of trees
and when, in the night, each star dies
a new light ignites in his head
the leaves move more slowly now
the light fades
as his heart beats faster
in an expression of limbs
he rises from the ground
he climbs the scattered rock
its hot edges piercing through old skin
and comes to a goat path
where he falls to a rhythm of running
through an asylum of trees
past a meeting of crickets
by a high pool
that sleeps in its caking of mud
to a cave of worn darkness
where he follows the wind in,
down a cool recess
to a hollow of rock
and a bed of furs, by a nest of old ashes
he wishes to sleep but
waits with one eye on the twilight opening.
Perhaps he has died already
his head in a thorn bush
his bones all stringy with meat
left to the scavengers
But he wishes to sleep
and enters a world of loving and fighting
beyond his believing
and the dripping of the rock
where he reads time
and the slanting of the moon
decays
to the constant whisper of grey light
He wakes to the half-rise of the morning,
as it fingers the dark rock
showing its contours
birthing the world in new hope,
pausing the horse from its charging
he walks to the pool
through the world heavy-laden with life,
he bends down to the water
and regards his reflection
He scoops up the mud, red and orange, and
embracing in his arms, he carries it
seeping
to the cave, where he drops it near the ashes.
On the smooth rock
he places the mud with two fingers
easing it into the pores of the stone
and sees the round belly of a horse,
a horse that is running,
and then of another he traces the shape
with the ash of a stick. The heads that are straining
the white black mains
the limbs bare touching the ground.
He steps back and cries at their majesty
their stillness of life
their freezing of time
their real unreality
Comments
johnshade | August 29, 2008 - 10:30
I like this poem, and a few others I've read by you. The images of the cave and the man running were very strong... reminded me of The Inheritors. But I find your language too self-consciously poetic sometimes. To be more specific, I find lines like:
his head in a thorn bush
his bones all stringy with meat
left to the scavengers
much more powerful than lines like
He steps back and cries at their majesty
their stillness of life
their freezing of time
their real unreality
I think it's a combination of the more down-to-earth vocabulary and the greater objectivity of the first excerpt. It paints a vivid, concrete picture in the head, whereas the second (which ironically is all about painting and pictures) feels abstract and overblown.
animan | January 25, 2009 - 19:47
Yes, Mr Shade, you're right - I shall have a think about this - long and hard - thank you!